Belle Edmondson. Diary, January-November, 1864.

Diary of Belle Edmondson:
January - November, 1864
(Transcript of the manuscript)
Electronic Edition.

Edmondson, Belle, 1840-1873

Funding from the Library of Congress/Ameritech National Digital Library Competition
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Text typed in from a prepared transcript by Jordan Davis
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First edition, 1997.
ca. 340K
Academic Affairs Library, UNC-CH
University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill,
1998.
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Call number 1707 (Manuscripts Dept., Southern Historical Collection, UNC-CH)

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Library of Congress Subject Headings,21st edition, 1998

LC Subject Headings:

Edmondson, Belle, 1840-1873 -- Diaries.
Women -- Tennessee -- Diaries.
Women -- Tennessee -- Social life and customs.
Women -- Confederate States of America -- Diaries.
Women spies -- Confederate States of America -- Diaries.
Chalmers, James R. (James Ronald), 1831-1898.
Forrest, Nathan Bedford, 1821-1877.
Secret service -- Confederate States of America.
Spies -- Tennessee -- Memphis -- Diaries.
Smugglers -- Tennessee -- Memphis -- Diaries.
Shelby County (Tenn.) -- History.
Tennessee -- History -- Civil War, 1861-1865 -- Personal narratives.
Tennessee -- Social conditions.
United States -- History -- Civil War, 1861-1865 -- Personal narratives, Confederate.
United States -- History -- Civil War, 1861-1865 -- Secret service.
United States -- History -- Civil War, 1861-1865 -- Women.

DIARY OF
BELLE EDMONDSON
January - November, 1864
(transcript)

Given by

Miss Mary B. West
138 North Willett Street
Memphis, Tennessee

for permanent preservation in the
SOUTHERN HISTORICAL COLLECTION
University of North Carolina
Chapel Hill, North Carolina

Diary of
Belle Edmondson
1864

Transcript of the manuscript

Page 1

January, Friday 1, 1864

'Tis New Year, a happy one to our household. Lieut. Spotswood and Eddie came last night. Poor Eddie is greatly in need of clothes.

I do not think we will have much trouble in out Gen'ling the Yanks. I have $50. G.B. left I intend to devote to that purpose. It is very cold, all nature is robed in Ice.

Notwithstanding the Yanks are such near neighbors, we have had a house full of Rebels all day, four of Henderson's Scouts - Lieut. S. Eddie, Jim & Elb Jeters. Nannie and I went in the buggy over to the smugler's, Joe White, to see if we could not get some things there for Eddie, failed, bro't Lute some soap - almost froze to death - got home at dark, all just finishing dinner, had a splendid time tonight. Our Armys all seem to be Status Quo. God grant successful may be the termination of 1864 - oh! my savior I have buried the past - guide and leade me from temptation. After you, my God, then I live for my Country - God bless our leaders in Dixie.

January, Saturday 2, 1864

Bettie and Uncle Elum went in town this morning horse-back. I sent $50. to Mr. Armstrong to get Eddie's suite of clothes and other articles which he needs. Poor Soldiers, this bitter cold weather I wish I had money to buy every thing they need -

Lieut. Spotswood went with two of Henderson's Scouts over Nonconnah to Mr. Deadrick's to get them to bring him every thing he needs out - they promised to do so. It has been sleeting all day - three of the Bluff City's

Page 2

called this evening, got their dinner, warmed and went on over Nonconnah. Cousin Frazor came this evening, and we have a house full - they are all Rebels, and we always have room for them if a hundred would come. All we can do is to sit round the fire, laugh, talk and try to keep warm. Bettie and Uncle Elum have not returned yet. I feel very uneasy, as she is to smuggle Eddie's clothes. Tate is out of humor, Eddie is troubled, but I think it will all be right - yet suspense is terrible -

January, Sunday 3, 1864

Another day has passed, and not one word from Bettie or Uncle Elum - no communication with Memphis today, too cold to go out side of the doors. Still sleeting - house still full, if not a little fuller. Tate is growing very impatient to leave for Dixie - she is really cross about Bettie, but I still have hope that it will be all right. Eddie feels badly about it, as the risk was run for him - God bless the Rebels. I would risk my life a dozen times a day to serve them - think what they suffer for us -

Henny Furgeson and Lieut. Spotswood left for Dixie. Henny F. bought Helen's pony, gave $200. for it, he rode it off - It does not seem like the Sabbath, though this is the first one of '64. We spent the day as usual, laughing, talking, and trying to keep warm. Julien Simmons and Dashiell Perkins came over from Col. Perkins - Dashiell staid we sat up very late, and Poor old - looks like the noise will run him crazy.

January, Monday 4, 1864

I always try to see the bright side of every picture. I have never

Page 3

given up hope but Bettie would come right side up - and I think she is a star darkie - she and Uncle Elum arrived safely at home. Bettie was loaded with contraband - Eddie a suit of clothes, pr Boots, Gauntlets, socks - blacking, and in fact everything he sent for - he is so grateful and real proud of all his things. Laura gave him the Gauntlets - he went with me to my room, and I packed his valise, he now has everything in the world he needs - and Company to go South with him, Sam Alexander, one of the Bluff City's came and stoped over night to go on in the morning, old Mr. Jaison with him. Dear Eddie, this is his last night with us, we all sat up very late. Weather gloomy, bitter cold, ground still covered with Snow.

January, Tuesday 5, 1864

Still cold, cloudy and gloomy, has not moderated at all, it is real dangerous traveling, the ground covered with Ice.

Eddie has on his new suit, ready to leave for camp. Mr. Alexander and old Mr. Jayson are going with him, and we are better satisfied - I would not have him stay any longer for any thing, I am perfectly disgusted at the way in which our soldiers are lying about, shirking their duty. Eddie has everything to make him comfortable for this winter -

Two more of the Bluff City's arrived, got their dinner, warmed, and went on over Nonconnah. Our house still full, we have a gay time picketing fir the Yankees, but I expect the boys think they have a gayer one running in the cold at their appearance - As usual we all sat up very late.

Page 4

January, Monday 11, 1864

                        Like a weary actor in a play,
                        Like a phantom in a dream,
                        Like a lost boat left to stray
                        Rudderless adown the stream -
                        This is what my life has grown, -
                        Since thy false heart left me lone, -
                        And I wonder sometimes when the laugh is loud,
                        And I wonder at the faces of the crowd,
                        And the strange fantastic measures that they tread, -
                        Till I think at last, till I half believe I an dead.

February, Thursday 4, 1864

We had a terrible accident to Night. Jack had Mr. Wilson's Pistol fooling with it, and shot Jane right through the body - poor fellow, he was frightened to death - it was an accident. Mr. Wilson went for the Dr. he came in a great hurry, as it was night he could not tell how serious it is, but very much fears it has struck some vital point.

February, Friday 5, 1864

Jane doing very well, the ball although passing so near the kidneys, & spine, missed both. Dr. Shaw has examined it by daylight, and thinks she will be up again in five or six weeks -

Peter and I went over to Mrs. Duke's - I went to Memphis in Mr.

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Armstrong's wagon - got the Morphine & Chloroform. Mr. Armstrong drove me out to Mrs. Duke's - I mounted old McGruder, Peter old Sam, we got home early. Jack ran off this morning, we don't know where to - but expect he has gone to Memphis -

February, Sunday 14, 1864

Tate and Helen cam back from Dixie today -

February, Monday 15, 1864

I did not get up very early, was eating breakfast in my room, when I was startled by the reports of six or seven guns - dressed hurriedly, on arriving at the gate found all the family, both white and black, in the greatest state of excitement - one of the 2nd. Mo - Mr. Brent - relating to them the particulars of the skirmish which had taken place only a few hundred yards from our house - A family of negroes had got this far on their journey from Hernando to Memphis when Mr. Brent met them, and they ordered him to surrender, at the same time fireing . Of course no Southern Soldier would ever surrender to a Negro, he fired five times, being all the leads he had - killed one Negro, wounded another, he ran in the woods and we saw nothing more of him - one of the women and a little boy succeeded in getting off also - the other woman with three girls were carried back to Hernando - The Soldier got a splendid Cavalry horse & equipments, two Mules and another horse - he left expecting the Yankees. Father had the Negro burried where he was killed - No Yankees - Mr. Wilson came, no late news -

Page 6

February, Monday 22, 1864

I mounted Mr. Brent's condemned steed, which proved to be a very nice riding horse, but rather wild - I had a lovely ride, found Mrs. Morgan's after some difficulty. Mrs. Plunket was with Missie, her Mother has been very sick, but they think she is now recovering. I do not think so, she looks dreadfully, and poor Missie, my heart aches to look at her and think what trials she must in my opinion pass through - I staid until 1 o'clock, arrived at home just as they were all eating dinner - found Mr. Wilson had arrived. No news, no courier up lately -

February, Thursday 25, 1864

Sallie Hildebrand sent down for me this morning to go with her to Mrs. Morgan's, poor Ladies, she has at last gone to rest, she died yesterday evening at 4 o'c. I went with her and stayed until sundown, returned home to try to get Joanna to go and sit up, but she would not do it. I went back with Miss Mary Robinson, met Helen and Nannie, got them to go back with us - they had been down to Col. Perkins to spend the day. Ben Henderson went with us, we did not get there until dark.

Poor Missie, I feel so sorry for her.

February, Friday 26, 1864

Nannie, Helen, and Miss Mary Robinson and myself sat up last night with Mrs. Morgan's corps - It was a sad and lonely night - Poor Missie, how my heart sympathizes with her in this great affliction. Helen and Nannie came home very early, Miss Robinson and I staid until after breakfast,

Page 7

when Miss Huckens came we left. Tate & Joanna went to the funeral, after that Joanna and Cousin S. returned Memphis -

A squad of 7 Confederates stoped at the gate - belonging to 2nd. Ark -

I went to sleep directly after breakfast, and did not awaken until after dinner. I was never in such a cross humor as I have been tonight. I feel ashamed for the way in which I have spoken to Bettie and Laura - nobody knows what I have to try me sometimes. Bettie left early, Laura fast asleep - Beulah & Tippie Dora both nodding - here I sit at 3 o'clock morning, with four packages of 300 letters for our Rebel Soldiers, which it has taken me until this time of night to finish. I will lie down and take a nap - I had to wake Laura to get me fresh water, I was so sick. She is always kind to me.

February, Saturday 27, 1864

Annie Nelson and myself went to Memphis this morning - very warm, dusty and disagreeable. Accomplished all I went for - did not go near any of the Officials, was fortunate to meet a kind friend, Lucie Harris, who gave me her pass - 'tis a risk, yet we can accomplish nothing without great risk at times, I returned the favor by bringing a letter to forward to her husband, Army of Mobile. I sat up until 8 o'clock last night, arranging poor Green's mail to forward to the different command. It was a difficult job, yet a great pleasure to know I had it in my power to rejoice the hearts of our brave Southern Soldiers - most were Kentucky letters for Breckenridge's command - the rest were Mo. letters for Johnston's, Polk's, and Maury's commands. God grant them a safe and speedy trip.

We have glorious news from Dixie - Forrest has completely routed Smith

Page 8

and Grierson at Okolona - God grant my Bro Eddie may be safe - we hear his Col. Jeff Forrest was killed. The Yanks are perfectly demoralized, all that escaped have arrived in Memphis. I never witnessed such a sight as the stolen negroes, poor deluded wretches - Praise God for this Victory.

February, Sunday 28, 1864

Cloudy and raining all day, much colder than yesterday. Anna Nelson and myself went to Mrs. Morgan's - I went to take those letters to Cousin Cambell Edmondson, he left for Dixie, and will see that they are safely forwarded. Met a great many persons there, all in fine spirits, topic of conversation our glorious Victory, which was added to this morning by news that Sherman was in full retreat for Vicksburgh - had not reached Canton, and we were confident of ruining the whole army as Lee with his Cavalry force was between him and Vicksburgh - Spare so much bloodshed of the bravest and best of our Sunny South - Enlighten the minds of the miserable Yankees, of their sinfullness - drive them from our south! Oh, just and merciful Savior, give us peace, and our independence -

I received a letter from Dr. Moses and Maj. Price by Mrs. Facklin, through them heard from my friend Maj. Maclean, with Gen. Price.

Laura and I sat up late tonight, I slept all evening. Still raining - 12 o'clock sleeting, very cold -

February, Monday 29, 1864

The last day of Winter - Gloomy, oh, mercy how dreary, sleeting all

Page 9

day, the shrubery is all bowed to the earth with the weight of Ice - all nature is crowned with it, yet it is so gloomy out. There is some happiness in our household, the two children Mamie and Robert are all life, though like all children, troublesome and noisy from their imprisonment. Father and Cousin Frazor have spent the day reading in the Parlor, while we have, as women generally are, buisy sewing. I fixed Laura's new dress waiste . The Servants have done little except to try to keep warm and keep fires in the house. We have seen no one today, therefore have heard nothing later from our glorious Victory. God bless our noble soldiers, and protect them from this miserable bad weather -

Tate and Cousin Sallie both very much disapointed not being able to go to Memphis. Laura and I as usual sat up late. I drew the pattern on my swiss to braide , she ruffling her Apron - I finished the book of Luke.

March, Tuesday 1, 1864

First day of Spring - Laura awakened me for my breakfast. I looked out of the window and to my surprise, one of the hardest Snow Storms I ever saw was prevailing - lasted until 11 o'clock, when the sun shone out brightly. A more magnificent scene I never witnessed, the forests glistened like thousands of diamonds, sun set was glorious. It moderated a great deal, until night when the freeze came again. Laura and I spent the evening alone, except Beulah and Tippie Dora - buisy sewing. Laura just finished her ruffled apron - I am really proud of her, she sews so nicely. I spent the day in Tate's room, braided one width on my white swiss - if my chest was only stronger, I would enjoy sewing, but oh! I am so weary -

Page 10

both in body and spirit. My angel Mother, you would not have thought your two youngest born could grow so indiferent . I pine for a companion, tis not my fault, she loves me not. My poor old Father, you are all that binds me here. Helen is to be married, they are all buisy , but do not wish me to share it - have seen no one, or heard nothing more from Dixie -

March, Wednesday 2, 1864

Bright and beautiful - Ice glittering magnificently - moderating a great deal, by 12 o'clock all snow gone, real pleasant tonight. Father went to Mr. Holmes', our victory confirmed by news from below. Mr. Wilson dined with us, gave the same news Father heard at Mr. H's. Nonconnah out of it's banks, still raining. Tate and Cousin S. very much dissipointed , as they seem in great haste to go to the City. I sat in Parlor after Mr. Wilson came, braided another width on my swiss, tis real fascinating work, but oh! my chest aches so badly, no one but my sainted Mother ever knew or sympathized with me in this affliction. Laura washed today, although my only companion she has fallen into the arms of Morpheus, and left me real lonely, she and Bettie are improving very much in their lessons. Poor Father, he too is alone. I have forgiven the past, heavenly Father, give me strength to forget it. Nothing late from Jimmie or Eddie - Lord be with them in all hours of danger, and bring them safe to us.

March, Thursday 3, 1864

The monotony of our life was somewhat changed today, by a visit from Lt. Bayard of the 4th U. S. R. to Nannie, he is her cousin, and came this

Page 11

distance with only six scouts to make a call, they behaved themselves very well, ate dinner with us - and they all admit our dear Rebel Gen. Forrest defeated them badly in their raid to Okolona. Decatur Doyle came this evening from Dixie - Jimmie sailed for Europe the 6th. of Feb. Eddie and all the boys safe through the fight. Pontotoc suffered very much - Sister Mary with the two youngest children will start home some time next month. Col. Jeff Forrest is really killed - Sherman has returned to Vicksburgh. Our Army of Johnston advancing - Grant reported falling back.

I have been buisy braiding all day, one more width finished - Laura has provoked me and I feel real cross - she or I one should certainly have less temper at times. All of them received letters tonight except me, tis now 10 o'c, and I think I will try and get to sleep early tonight. I suppose they are all happy in the house, O can never content myself with the lonely life I lead.

March, Friday 4, 1864

I do wish Nonconnah would fall, and let a visitor from Memphis return home, for I am always in an ill humor when she is about. Tate and Helen went over to see Missie Morgan this evening. I have been in Tate's room all day buisy sewing - almost finished my dress -

Mr. Hildebrand was here today, bro't noting later from Dixie - nor have we heard anything today. I wish one of the scouts would come, and bring us some news. It has been very cloudy and disagreeable all day, this evening we had quite a storm. I received today another batch of letters

Page 12

from Dixie, to be mailed in Memphis for Yankee land. Decatur told us Gen. Armstrong had been ordered to Miss. he has taken Mariah to Mobile to be confined, poor girl I pity her, no Mother or relation to be with her. Laura as usual nodding, and I feel all alone. Beulah and Tippie Dora also enjoying their nap. I feel real sick tonight - oh! I am so lonely - what is to be my fate - oh! God shield me, have I not suffered enough - make my future bright.

March, Saturday 5, 1864

Nonconnah has fallen at last, and crowds of waggons are passing, loaded with provisions, in exchange for their cotton. Joanna and Cousin S. went to town this morning. Mr. Wilson came early and staid until after dinner with us. Tate, Helen, Nannie & Decatur all spent the day sewing in my room, Decatur excepted of course from the sewing - we had a pleasant time. Only this morning I did wish I was a man. I never read a more insulting note in my life than Father received from Dr. Malone. I will not stain the page of my book writing of such a dog, and hope God will give me strength to forgive it -

Cold Water and all streams below so high that we have no communication with Dixie - therefore have heard no news today. I would give anything if I could send the things I have for the poor soldiers - poor fellows, I know they need them - would to heaven I had money to get all I could bring through the lines. I finished my dress today, and made Laura a beautiful apron. 12 o'c, no Beulah yet. Laura, Tippie Dora & I alone, they asleep.

Page 13

March, Sunday 6, 1864

A bright and beautiful day. Tate and Nannie went to Church. Col. Perkins came home with them to take Nannie home with him. Prior leaves for the Army in the morning, was anxious to see Nannie before he left. Tate saw Cousin Cambell, just arrived from Dixie, no news - waters up - Telegraph all destroyed - floating rumors that Sherman had arrived safely in Vicksburgh, Forrest moving this way - that is glorious news for us. Cousin Mat, Frazor and Joanna came from Memphis about 10 o'c. Mary was delighted with the arrival of Frazor. Joanna went to the Provost Marshall yesterday to get her a pass, and he started to arrest her, thought it was me. I heard some good news, she heard one of the 4th. U. S. R. swear he would shoot old Gibbert, the dutch detective.

I have not received a letter for over two weeks, and expect old Williams has intercepted them in the Post Office - oh! God, how long, how long must we suffer -

Beulah has run off again tonight. Laura, Tip and I alone. Laura and Bettie said a good lesson - we all sat in the Parlour after Tea. One month today since Jimmie left for Europe.

March, Monday 7, 1864

The quiet of our life was disturbed today by the arrival of 150 Yankees - only two came to the house. We gave them their dinner. Mr. Wilson and Decatur were down in the Orchard. Helen sent for them to come and capture the Yanks, we saw the rest coming, & Tate and I ran to tell them it was too great a risk. Mr. W. and D. were nearly to the gate, I was

Page 14

never so excited - we turned them in time, the two Yanks passed while we were standing there. Mr. W. and D. came to the house and spent some time with us, when Mr. W. followed the Yankees. They returned about 9 o'c on their way to Memphis. D. and Cousin F. had a run again, with the horses, but fortunately none of them came in.

I have not done any work today, have suffered death with my spine. Tate and Helen at work in my room all day - I sat in Tate's room until bed time. Beulah, Laura, and Tip all in time - I amused myself reading Artemus Wards book.

We did not hear what the Yanks went for, we heard from Eddie and the boys, all safe. One of Henderson's scouts arrived.

March, Tuesday 8, 1864

Cousin Mat, Frazor and Joanna went in town this morning. Joanna was to have returned this evening, did not come. We heard what the Yanks were after - old Frank the detective carried them to Felix Davis's and took him and his wife both to Memphis, they are now in the Irving Block, we did not hear the offence, only 'twas some old grudge he had against Mr. Davis. They stole a good deal from Widow Hildebrand's but she has taken the oath, and I don't care much. I pity poor Mr. & Mrs. Davis, they have been so kind to our Soldiers.

Nannie Perkins came home this morning. Joe Clayton - Memphis Light Dragoons - came on short furlough. Tate & I are going after Mrs. Clayton & Hal tomorrow. We all spent the evening in the Parlor, singing and playing. I am almost crazy with my spine, took a dose of Morphine, I am

Page 15

in so much pain it does not affect me - All spent day in my room sewing - Laura and Beulah in, Tip not arrived. Oh! I am so lonely, and suffering so much.

March, Wednesday 9, 1864

Tate and I went over to Mrs. Clayton early this morning - had to pass through the Yankee Camp, no trouble, spent the day and came back this evening. Hal and Dink came with us - Tate's horse threw her, not hurt, I was never so full of laugh - reached home about dark. After Tea we were all sitting in the Parlor when in walked Joe Clayton and Mr. McCorkle, our little St. Louis friend, he has a furlough, and is going to St. Louis and New York to see his Father and Sister - we were all delighted to see him. All sat in the Parlor until 11 o'clock, singing, playing and had a real nice time. Laura and I were not so lonely. Hal shared my little room - I heard of my letters in town, but could not get any one to bring them to me. Mr. Wilson took one of those Yankees prisoner the other evening, and got him a fine Saddle and Bridle, so he has made up for his loss at the Party. Oh! I am suffering so much with my spine, what is to become of me -

Mrs. Dupre arrived from Dixie, sent Helen two letters by me. I was so much disappointed that I did not get one. I expect my friends will all forget me now that I cannot run to Memphis and bring what they want.

March, Thursday 10, 1864

Mr. McCorkle and Tate went to Memphis this morning. I hope he may have a safe and pleasant trip. Cousin Frazor left for Dixie this morning.

Page 16

We were delighted to see Mr. Wilson and Harbert this evening, they staid with us until after Tea, bro't a letter from Eddie and Bro. George. Tate was kind enough ti bring my letters from Memphis, one from Miss Em, two were for Surg Lenord from Mo to my care. Our house is crowded tonight. Mrs. Clayton and Hal share my room. I sat up very late, wrote to Maj. Price & Dr. Moses. No Yanks near today. I have suffered, no one can tell how much, with my spine. Mr. Bob Wallace and friend came to spend the night with us. I am so lonely and my spine hurts me so much I can't sew, and it is impossible to fix my mind on any reading for ten minutes, in the excitement we live in. I am unhappy and I tremble for fear there is something more fatal to befall me, as the Spine so much influences the brain.

Beulah and Tip and Laura all here, sat up until 12 o'clock.

March, Friday 11, 1864

Mrs. Clayton, Hal and Dink all went home this morning - Mr. Wallace & friend left. Decatur Doyle and Joe Clayton both left for Dixie - they both got all they came for. It has seemed quite lonely all day. I have been compelled to lie down most of the day with my spine, it is getting worse all the time. Tate & Helen sat in my room all day sewing. I am happy that poor Father can have some quiet now. I sat in the Parlor a little while after Tea - have spent the evening in my own lonely little room. Laura and Bettie said a good lesson - I tried to keep Laura awake, but she noded so, it worried me, and I sent her to bed. Tip is also asleep, and Beulah has not yet made her appearance. I wrote to Miss Em tonight, tis half past twelve - and I feel afraid. Joanna would not let me have the

Page 17

key to lock my door, two robbers were killed near here yesterday, the Country is full of them - oh! God protect me. One year ago Mrs. Bredell & I arrived in Granada - Wednesday.

March, Saturday 12, 1864

Tate and Bettie went to Memphis this morning, did not succeed in getting anything through the lines, the Picket was very insulting to her. She brought me a letter, but not for myself, only my care, to Mr. Lawson in Henderson's scouts. I forwarded it to Capt. H. also a package of late papers, by Mr. Harbut, who spent the evening with us. We all sat in the Parlor, and have had a pleasant evening. Mr. Harbut vacxinated Father, Helen, Nannie and I , also Jane and Laura. I have made the skirt to my swiss Mull, and fixed me a beautiful braid pattern, and drew on the skirt ready for my work on Monday morning. I have not suffered much with my spine today, though only on account of taking Morphine last night, which has made me insensible to the pain. 11 o'clock, so I will to bed - no Beulah. Father gave me a key today. Tippie Dora & Laura both here.

March, Sunday 13, 1864

                        Hopes, what are they? Beads of morning
                        Strung on Slender blades of Grass,
                        Sweet is hope's wild warbled air
                        But oh! - it's echo is despair!

Today is the first anniversary of the happiest day in my life - just one short year ago, twas then on Friday morning, he came for me to walk on

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the hill to listen to the echoes of our triumph at Fort Pemberton (Greenwood) - I rushed on to meet my fate, oh! God that it had never overtaken me - yet tis the brightest spot in my sad life - his love - in reviewing my diary for '63 I find in this day a quotation from Raphael which has indeed found its moral. Oh! who in the course of his life has not felt some joy without a security, and without the certainty of a morrow. Time hath power over hours, none over the soul. Time had power over his heart, yet none over my true and holy love. Today he wooes the daughter of a more sunny clime - Miss Sallie Anderson of Mobile, may she never know the pangs of a deceived heart - I have spent the day alone in my little room, finished the book of John - bright and beautiful, though rather cool. Laura and Bettie went to Mrs. Wilson's, all the whole family walking and enjoying themselves - tis just four o'clock - I will wait until after Tea to finish. I sat in the Parlor with the Father after Tea. Laura and Bettie speeled at Baker tonight - No Beulah or Tip - Laura & I alone. Oh! my heavenly Father humble my heart, and give me Christian patience.

March, Monday 14, 1864

I have had a miserable cold, and not fit for society - yet we have been delighted by the visit of a Rebel Major, Maj. Allen, who spent the day with us. I tried to braid on my dress, only a little while, my spine pained me teribly . Maj. A. went down to Col. Perkins to stay until Thursday, when I will have returned from Memphis - having attended to his wants. Mr. Wilson and Harbut came this evening. Mr. Harbut has brought him a new horse

Page 19

very pretty one. Poor Anna, I think Mr. Wilson ought to give her rest - they staid right late, we had a pleasant evening - music, conversation, &c. Anna Nelson and I have made our arrangements to go into Memphis tomorrow and not return till next day. Oh! Lord, deliver me from getting in any trouble with the Yanks, this will be a hard trip, I have a great risk to run. No Beulah tonight, I think she has forsaken her post. Laura and Tip both here nodding. I feel like I had been stewed - oh! God, protect, guide and make me a good girl.

March, Tuesday 15, 1864

Anna Nelson and I started to Memphis about 9 o'clock, suffered very much with the cold, stoped at Mr. Roberts to warm - from there we passed through the Pickets to the Pigeon Rooste Road - found Mr. Harbut's after much searching - did not reach Memphis until 10 o'clock, left out horse & buggy at Mr. Barbier's, went up town - and not one thing would the Merchants sell us. because we did not live in their lines. I consoled myself with a wheel that could not turn - could not spin - went to see my friend Mrs. Facklen, she went up town and bought the things for me - poor deluded fools, I would like to see them thwart a Southerner in such an undertaking as I had. Spent a very pleasant evening with Mrs. Facklen's family - all rebels, and we talked just as we please! -

Mrs. F. and I did not go to sleep until 2 o'c, this being the first time I had seen her since she returned from Dixie. I have finished all my provisions, and will have nothing to do tomorrow except fixing my things for smuggling.

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March, Wednesday 16, 1864

Went up Street directly after Breakfast to finish a little job I forgot on yesterday. At one o'clock Mrs. Facklen, Mrs. Kirk and I began to fix my articles for smugling , we made a balmoral of the Grey cloth for uniform, pin'd the Hats to the inside of my hoops - tied the boots with a strong list, letting them fall directly in front, the cloth having monopolized the back & the Hats the side - All my letters, brass buttons, money, &c in my bosom - left at 2 o'clock to meet Anna at Mr. Barbie's - started to walk, impossible that - hailed a hack - rather suspicious of it, afraid of small-pox, weight of contrabands ruled - jumped in, with orders for a hurried drive to Cor Main & Vance - arrived, found Anna not ready, had to wait for her until 5 o'clock, very impatient - started at last - arrived at Pickets, no trouble at all, although I suffered horribly in anticipation of trouble. Arrived at home at dusk, found Mr. Wilson & Harbut, gave them late papers and all news. Mrs. Harbut here to meet her Bro. bro't Mr. Wilson a letter from Home in Ky. Worn out. 8 yds. Long cloth, 2 Hats, 1 pr Boots, 1 doz. Buttons, letters, &c. 2 Cords, 8 tassels.

Laura, Beulah & Tippie Dora, all in.

March, Thursday 17, 1864

My cold is no better - miserably hoarse, got up rather late. Laura brought my breakfast to my room, fixed my work to go in the Parlor - found Mr. Wilson & Mr. Harbut arrived - All buisy sewing, laughing & talking, -

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when the Yankees were reported coming, Mr. W. & H in the greatest haste retreated through the Garden, left their horses - the report was a mistake, it being Maj. Phil Allin - All quiet again, enjoying ourselves very much. Maj. Allin liked his Hats very much. Mr. Harbut, Sr. & Mr. Redford came - after a little Mr. Falls and Miss McKinney, they brought the rest of Maj. Allin's clothes. Mr. Wilson left early to start a currier below - the rest remained until after dinner then returned to Memphis. Mr. Harbut & Maj. Allin staid late, left together, oh! how I hate to see the last Grey Coat disappear. Father and I sat alone in the Parlor after Tea.

Laura, Beulah & Tip all in tonight, all asleep except I. I shall read myself into the arms of Morpheus - When, oh! when will it be bright, my Savior I trust in thee, hope & faith oh! God give me strength -

March, Friday 18, 1864

One of the loveliest days I ever spent, bright and beautiful. I have been very buisy braiding my dress. finished 1 1/2 yd. it is very fascinating work, and with my natural abhorance of sewing I think this particular kind would give me much pleasure, if it were not for my miserable old spine. I am suffering intensely tonight from my hard days work. I fixed Mr. Noe's grave this evening, it is a lovely spot but oh! so sad, my heart aches when I think of his long suffering, and so young, taken from his poor widowed Mother. Oh! God drive those miserable wretches from our Sunny land, and give us freedom and peace. I have been alone today except Laura sewing. Tate came twice to sew on the machine - Joanna & Anna Wilson went to town this morning, got back safe, no late news. Mr. Wallace, Henry Wilson & friend were here to Tea. I came to my room very early - heard Bettie's & Laura's lessons. Beulah and Tippie Dora both here - read myself to sleep -

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March, Saturday 19, 1864

Today has been just as gloomy as yesterday was bright - cold, windy & cloudy. Helen & Nannie had a general cleaning up in the house. Laura was unusually particular about my room, kept me waiting until dinner time to get to my sewing. I made up for lost time, finished one width of braiding, and drew the rest of the pattern off. I don't know what I shall do, if I am to spend so much of my time alone - no companion except my sewing, which is almost too much food for a mind in the present state of my own - however, tis all for the best, God's will, not mine be done.

Tate & Anna Nelson went to town this morning, got back safe. Mr. Eyrich sent me a nice lot of papers, Tate brought me a letter, as usual not my own, from Capt. Hoenstein to his wife in Mobile. No late news.

Laura & Bettie recited a very good lesson tonight - everything in my room statu quo. Anna Wilson did not come, went with Helen & Nannie upstairs.

March, Sunday 20, 1864

Another Sabath passed, and I read only eight Chapters in my Bible - first of the Acts - I did not get up until rather late. Laura brought me a nice, warm breakfast to my room. I don't know what I should do if it were not for her. A disagreeable day, cloudy, gloomy and real cold. I spent the morning alone in the Parlor reading. Mr. Wilson & Mr. Harbut arrived about 12 o'clock. No news, except that which we regreted very much. Gen. Chalmers relieved of his command, ordered to report to Gen. Polk, Misouri . McCulock takes his place - Forrest is on the wing again, no one knows where to - God bless Eddie and keep him safe, wherever they may go.

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Tate, Nannie, Helen & Mollie Strange all went to Church - got back late of course, were delighted to see our Scouts. Mr. Wilson is going to Camp tomorrow, I am so sorry. I had a nice bundle of papers to send Capt. Henderson, one also to Dr. Moses. Oh! if I was only sleepy, and nothing to read - what shall I do - Laura, Beulah & Tip all asleep.

March, Monday 21, 1864

Wake'd up almost sufocating with the Smoke - wind from the East. Laura had to throw all the fire out of the stove. Began my work early, nothing to disturb me all day - finished two widths on my dress in braiding. Sat in the Parlor, no companion. Father came in once or twice, sat in his easy chair and read. Laura & I sat an old Goose this evening, and I think she acted her name to perfection about the nest we fixed for her - how cold today, it is real winterish. I am afraid we will not have much fruit this year. I sat in the Parlor a little while after Tea - Father was reading, so I thought my own little room much more agreeable, as the rest all went in Tate's room.

Beulah has run off again tonight, and I expect will certainly get herself in trouble. Bettie and Laura in the same old style with their spelling lesson - all over, and here I sit alone, rocking, rocking, rocking - with the few embers in the grate my only reflection to the thousand thoughts which crowd my poor, clouded mind - oh! for sleep, deep sleep to relieve me.

March, Tuesday 22, 1864

Sunshine has greeted us once more - it has been a lovely day. Nannie

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& Annie Nelson went to town this morning, got back safe. No news - Mr. Eyrich sent me the late papers - I sent them on to Capt. Henderson by Mr. Harbut, he spent the day with us - his Bro & Mr. Redford came down to meet him, brought him a fine horse. We all spent the day in the Parlor. I finished braiding my dress - just as we had finished Tea, and were quietly chatting in the Parlor, - Peter ran hurriedly in and announced Jim Titus and Mr. Jack Doyle - of course we were all astonished, imagined Forrest near, and many other such ideas, ran out to meet them, instead of Mr. Doyle met old Boss Pugh, we were delighted to see them, but sorry to hear Forrest had passed us and gone to Jackson, Tenn. Jim & Mr. Pugh have only a short leave to see us, and then return to Columbus, where part of the command are. Eddie went with Forrest, I expect we will hear glorious news from him in a few days - God grant successful may be his career. Sat up rather late - as usual, my little family all right.

March, Wednesday 23, 1864

Tate & I went to Memphis this morning bright and early - stoped at Mrs. Apperson's first - from there to Cousin Frazor. Tate met me at Mrs. Worsham's room, we then went up street, walked until three o'clock, attended to all affaires entrusted to our care, ready to leave at half past three - all of the Yankee Cavalry moveing , destination not known - could hear no particulars, think they are going after Forrest, who we think is on his way to Kentucky. The Yankees are evidently on a great fright about something. God grant they may be defeated in all their undertakings. We came through

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white Pickets - I think we will not try them again - the Negroes are ten times more lenient - We came by Wash Taylor's, got two hats for soldiers - came through Yankee Camp, if the Lord forgives me I will never do it again. Yankee Soldier drove our horse in Nonconnah for us - seemed to be a gentleman, for which we were very grateful - found Mr. Harbut awaiting our report. Mr. John & Henry Nelson & Mr. Harbut took Tea with us. Jim & Mr. Pugh completed the list for a nice Rebel meeting - brought a great deal through lines this eve - Yankee Pickets took our papers -

March, Thursday 24, 1864

I slept very late this morning - had breakfast in my room - I would rather have slept than have the choicest dishes from old Schwab's. Ready at last, arrived in the Parlor, found Jim & Mr. Pugh with the girls having a nice time - spent the morning fixing my old Bombazine dress. Enjoyed my dinner finely, did not stay in the Parlor very long after dinner, came to my room and prepared for a nice evening siesta with London Papers for my companion - soon fell into the arms of Morpheus, slept soundly, but have had no spirit since awakening. Joanna got back from Memphis, bringing Mammy to see Prince. Anna Nelson will ride her Boo, a horse, through the lines tomorrow. Mr. Harbut came early this eve, I left them all in the Parlor - Father allows them to sit up late, as he is reading the papers - I got tired and came to my room, but found it very cheerless, no fire, smoking. Laura, Beulah & Tip all asleep - oh! I am so lonely - I feel a presentiment something good is going to turn up for the Confederacy - God bless my dear Bros, and bring them safe home again.

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March, Friday 25, 1864

As usual late, and breakfast in my room, found Nannie, Jim & Mr. Pugh having a nice time in the Parlor - have not done any work scarcely, only hem'd Eddie two handkerchiefs - Mr. Pugh and I had a game of drafts - I beat him the best three in five. Helen & Joanna went over to Mr. Armstrong's, did not hear any late news, Mr. Harbut came this evening, he had no news, no curior up for several days - heard from Mr. McMahon, in 2d. Mo Cav, he is very sick, and can't tell when he will come for his cloth and boots. Mr. Matthews, a soldier from Jackson Cavalry is staying with us tonight, Mr. Harbut stayed too, and we have spent a very pleasant evening. Jim & Boss Pugh the life of the party. Father was very lenient with us tonight, let us sit up until 11 o'clock - we Rebels are having a gay time, although the Yankee Camp is only three miles off. God bless our servants, for they are certainly very faithful. Laura is sitting in a chair now, fast asleep - Bettie did not wait to say her lesson. Beulah and Tippie Dora both sleep - here I sit, solitary and alone - my mind giving birth to a thousand thoughts yet none mature. God bless my Brothers, and oh! make me a better and more useful woman -

March, Saturday 26, 1864

Today everything in commotion, as it is a general cleaning up day. Laura did not give me possession of my room until 12 o'clock - have not set a stitch in sewing today. Mr. Pugh and I spent the morning playing Drafts - I beat him badly. After dinner he very kindly offered to fix my lock, so he & I with Gimlet and other instruments proceed to my little

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domicile to accomplish the task. I think I shall recommend him as a No 1 Carpenter - although he filled my eyes with sawdust - he fixed it very securely and nice - and I shall always think of and bless him, at the still hour of night, when thoughts and fears of a raide from the Yankees or Robbers are soothed only with it's security, as my faithful slave Laura, my dog Beulah, & kitty Tippie Dora, are always securely in the arms of Morpheus. I feel so much better about our affairs, I think the bright day is fast approaching. Tate & Anna Nelson got safe from Memphis - Anna got her Bro's horse through the lines - We have glorious news from Forrest, tomorrow I will give full particulars. God bless my Bro who is with him.

March, Sunday 27, 1864

Rather lazy, as it was Sunday - Laura fixed me a very nice breakfast which I enjoyed in my room. Helen & Nannie went home with Anna Nelson, all rode horseback, the girls did not stay very long. I spent the morning reading my Bible, finished the Acts today - took a long walk after dinner, with Beulah as a companion - she enjoyed it very much, especially the creek. Tate & Helen went to ride over on the Plank Road this evening, they did not hear any news - Mr. Harbut came this evening, brought me a package of letters from Capt. Henderson, to be mailed in Memphis, also a note for myself from the Capt, with it a Dixie newspaper, which I shall carry to Mr. Eyrich. I sent Capt. H. a package of Yankee papers in return. Forrest captured Union City Thursday, taking 800 prisoners. God grant he may be successful in all his attempts to gain our lost teritory . The Yanks as yet

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have not started after him, oh! heaven keep my Bro safe - All my little household asleep, and I am lonely, oh! so lonely. Staid in Parlor until 10 o'c, Father made us all retire - Mr. Harbut, Mr. Pugh & Jim he took with him -

March, Monday 28, 1864

Tate and Anna Nelson went to Memphis this morning - got back safe Mr. Tommerry gave Tate up all of her things the U. S. G. confiscated, she brought them all safe through the lines, they belong to Mr. Wallace, who will be delighted to hear they are recovered. Mr. Harbut & Jim went off scouting, did not return until late this evening. We have had glorious news today - Mo. McCulloch captured Germantown, & still moving forward. Forrest is having glorious victory in Kentucky - Hickman & Paducah, both held by our forces - the Yanks are shelling Paducah. We are not afraid of Gun Boats - Father of justice and mercy, crown our armies with victory, drive the wicked tyrants from our Sunny land - we humbly crave thy pardon & blessing - oh! give us peace - guide my Bros, protect them from harm.

I made my white swiss skirt, played drafts with Mr. Pugh, he beat me badly - trimed the Rose trees - have spent a very pleasant day - and am so happy tonight after the good news - God bless our dear Soldiers and Officers.

I worship Jeff Davis and every Rebel in Dixie -

March, Tuesday 29. 1864

A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance; but by sorrow of heart the spirit is broken - Proverbs -

I am sitting in my little room alone, with the exception of my little family, who are more inclined to the silent embrace of Morpheus than any

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pleasures the quiet of my own society could give. Father was tired, went to his room early, gave us permission to sit up until 11 o'clock. I availed myself of it for a short time - finally withdrew to a more quiet scene, leaving Mr. Harbut, Mr. Pugh and Jim together with the girls, haveing a gay time. I have spent the day, how? I think it is how, Mr. Pugh & I played drafts most of the time, he beat me badly. I wonder in after years if I can recall this day, and imagine the same feeling of je ne sais quoi which I have experienced, there is a bright day fast approaching, I can't say why, but I feel it - oh! my beautiful savior, only teach my heart to be pure and good, let no unholy thought or action lead me astray oh! keep me near thee, let thy influence and protection guide me from wickedness, in the paths of righteousness - hasten the day I am to be free from this melancholy - then I will prove my punishment has been great enough, and through my afflictions I am a child of God - oh! give me thy love, make me a christian. God bless my Brothers, and my dear old Father -

March, Wednesday 30, 1864

It seems I can never go to Memphis without some disagreeable arrangements and sayings. I was greatly disappointed in my trip. Tate and I went together. I stoped at Mrs. Facklen's on Union St. - she went on up to Cousin Frazor's in the buggy - Mrs. Facklen and Mrs. Kirk in great distress, old Hurbbut gave her ten days to abandon her house, she took and old Yankee Officer, his Wife & two children to board with her, hoping he would recall the heartless order to make her and her little children homeless. I did

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not smuggle a thing through the lines, except some letters. Mr. Tommery gave me a permit to bring 2 Gals Whiskey and 5 bbs Tobacco - which I got home safely. Frazor came out in the buggy with me, Cousin Mat and Tate came together, we did not have any trouble at all - they all sat up very late in the Parlor, I came to my room early. Jim and Mr. Pugh came with me to try my whiskey - which they pronounced very good.

I received a letter from Mrs. Moses today - and am really distressed she did not receive the last I forwarded to her. Forrest is having his own way in Kentucky - God grant Eddie may be safe.

March, Thursday 31, 1864

Laura awakened me standing by the bed with my breakfast. I was too sleepy to eat, and only drank my Coffee. I have felt very badly all day, did not do any sewing, lying down most of the day. Mr. Pugh, Jim and Mr. Harbut with Jim's body guard the Prince of darkness, left for Dixie. Mr. Harbut is to meet the other Scouts a few miles below here, where they will all cross the R. R. together, joining Capt. Henderson somewhere in Tenn - all of troops have crossed Charlston R. R. and I expect we will hear glorious news in the nest few days. Jim & Mr. Pugh are trying to find a way to join Forrest, they had not been gone more than five minutes when four Yankees, belonging to 6th, Ill. Cav. came riding in, asked if we had seen any Confederate Soldiers, of course we said no. I think they came to steal, but we were polite to them, and they left - only wanted some milk, which they got. Tate & Nannie went to town today, Mr. Perryman got them a pass - they got home safe, but saw Anna Nelson and Sallie Hildebrand arrested and carried

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back with a Negro guard, for smugling a pr of boots -

Forrest is still moveing onward through Ky, having everything his own way. I came to my room early. A terible rainstorm raging - my pets all in. May my heart still be humble, and trust that God will, in his own time, brighten my life and happines -

April, Friday 1, 1864

A gloomy day, raining, cold, and dreary. I have managed to exist, have not done much sewing. I came to my room after dinner, and spent the evening reading the Caxton's - although quite an old book, I have never read it. I began with high expectations, and recommendations, as Bulwer's best - must confess I was greatly disapointed . I think 'What will he do with it ?' is one of the best novels I ever read - with that as my last remembrance of Bulwer, it would scarce be expected I could admire old Mr. Caxton's eccentric disposition, or Ladie Caxton's great lack of spirit, through fear of her liege lord - Beulah was my companion - I could not listen to her distressed whine, unfastened her chain, she went out as I came to my room after tea, and has not yet returned. I fear they will all get into trouble, poor Beulah, she is my best friend, but I do not think she has many friends outside of my own little room. Laura and Bettie said a very good lesson - Laura and Tippie Dora both asleep. No late news from Forrest. I am so lonely, how long oh! Lord, how long must I wait -

April, Saturday 2, 1864

Ever memorable and (to me ) sad day. I was awakened this morning by the

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pitious howl of poor Fosco - as I feared when Beulah left the room, they all killed seven sheep last night. Uncle Elum knocked Fosco in the head, Beulah ran to my room, thereby saving her life - Father sent for her, and then came for her - but oh! he knew not what he asked - to give my dog - my best friend - my Beulah, who had so often defended me in danger, my only protector in the dead hour of night - to drive her from my side, to be murdered. I would as soon thought of kneeling myself on the block, as to see my best friend. Father positively forbid my takeing her off - I hope God will forgive me for the disobedience, but I was obliged to do it. Mary Robinson and Joe Smith took her to Memphis in the buggy to Ed and Rhoda. I know they will love her - none of them sympathise or appreciate the sorrow it gave me to part with poor Beulah. Old Wright's drunken son has been prowling all over the place tonight, shot Ben's dog, Edmondson's battery both white and black started after him, met him in the lane, he cocked his gun and flourished it - cowardly dog, sneaked off after that. Laura, Tip and I all alone, oh! my poor, poor Beulah, how can I do without you -

April, Sunday 3, 1864

This has been a sad and lonely day for me - I miss my poor Beulah so much. Tippie Dora has not come tonight, so Laura and I are all alone. Tate, Joanna, Nannie, Robert, and Uncle Elum all went to Church. Father went up to Mr. Hildebrand's, Helen was at home, spent the morning in her own room. My sainted Mother, how different from what you wished, to see your two youngest

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born so widely separated, both in thought & feeling - it is not my fault, I pine for a companion, yet she is happier with those of her choice -

I spent the morning in Father's big chair, reading. I read the book of Romans, Father returned but had no news. We have not heard from Forrest since he crossed the Cumberland at Eddyville. God grant us success throughout the State, and return my Bro safe to us once again. I spent the morning alone, grieving for my lost friend - just one week ago this eve I had a long walk, with her as companion, but now I, oh! it makes no difference to any one but myslef, why do I thus complain. A hard storm of rain and wind is raging. Laura learning her lesson. Bettie did not come tonight. Father of mercy give me hope, brighten my life, oh! give me a companion, or my mind is lost. Thy will, not mine oh! Lord be done - Tip just arrived

April, Monday 4, 1864

The days now passing are of so much paine and unhappiness to me, it is with the greatest difficulty I can have patience at night to make a record of my sad life. The weather today as gloomy as my feelings - cold and drizzling. Anna Nelson spent the morning, I went in to sit with her, did not stay long - oh! for happiness and peace - there is no love or sympathy for me there. I did not sit in the Parlor long after Tea - Father retired early - Laura and Bettie had a very good lesson - Laura now deep in slumber. Tippie Dora in bed asleep, but my poor Beulah, alas, the best of friends must part - I am alone, all alone, there is a mournful spell in the heart echo of that simple word, even when it bounds through the warm blood of youth! - I have thought until my brain feels like a burning fire - it

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is 1 o'clock, yet where is sleep or rest for my weary spirit - oh! heavenly Father, have I not suffered enough - remove this trouble, and if I am not humble then return it to me. Oh! try me once again, bless me and brighten my hopes - and guide and lead me in the paths of Righteousness.

April, Tuesday 5, 1864

I was awakened at daylight by a servant with a note from Miss Hudson who has succeeded in getting all she wants out of Memphis, and promised to take the things I had for Mrs. Hudson to her. I regreted not having all the things through the lines, but sent what I had - Although awakened, I did not think it too late to take a nice little nap - which thanks to Laura lasted until 10 o'clock. Breakfast I have no taste for, yet as Laura brought it to my room, I tried to treat it with politeness -

Nannie, Helen and Father were all gone to the funeral of Mrs. Barton's little girl. I spent the remainder of the morning alone, met all at dinner, no deffinite news, some say Forrest has returned, I think though tis only prisoners sent through - Sewed some today, all together a dull, lonely time. Tip and Laura as usual asleep - I thinking, and wondering when I can be relieved - God be with me, Guide, protect and make me a christian -

April, Wednesday 6, 1864

Laura awakened me this morning with the news that Beulah was at my door - oh! it seems there is always something to trouble me. Father allowed her to be chained, and so far has not killed her. We were very much

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surprised this morning by the arrival of five of Forrest's men - Eddie & Elb leading the advance, while Capt. Jim Barber, Capt. Farrell & Mr. John Kirk brought up the rear - oh! I was so happy, we have spent a delightful day, have taken it time about standing Picket, with the horses hid in the woods - Geo. Anderson came running up, had just had a nice race with the Yankees - in a little while Joanna & Nannie came from town with the news the Yanks were camping on Horn Lake creek tonight, having heard Forrest had a good many of his men in here on leave - they will have to be right smart if they get our five, with the assistance of Edmondson's battery for Pickets - We all sat up very late, I left them in the Parlor - tis so much happiness to see so many of our Rebel friends - oh! I am happy, yet miserable, my heart is never free from pain, have mercy upon me, oh! my savior, guide and give me happiness -

April, Thursday 7, 1864

I feel dull and stupid this morning - We have had a happy day, although the Yankees are still down the road.

Tate and Nannie went to the Pickets this morning, were turned back, the lines closed. Capt. Barber & Mr. Kirk cannot get their things. I had not the heart to see them disapointed , so rob'd old Mr. McMahon of 2d. Mo. Mr. Kirk took his Boots, Capt. Barber his uniform. I will get him more through the lines before he comes for them. I beat Capt. Farrell two games of Chess tonight, Father let us sit up just as late as we wanted to, and we had a delightful evening. Nannie &c very buisy sewing all day. Nannie & I made two shirts for a Kentucky'n who is so far from home, and no one

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to take an interest in his need. I sent him a pair of Pants too -

Joanna, Helen, & Tate made Eddie two - oh! I would give anything if I had it in my power to give them everything they need.

My poor Beulah is fast asleep at my feet, tomorrow I must give her up again, thank heavens Father is not going to kill her. All my little household all quiet in slumber.

April, Friday 8, 1864

A bright and beautiful day, yet a lonely one, our Rebel friends left us - and my poor Beulah was taken away again. Helen & Nannie went over to Mr. Harbut's, and took her to Willie Duke. Capt. Barber, Capt. Farrell, Mr. Kirk, Eddie and Elb went over on the Plank Road nearly to Nonconnah, did not see any Yanks, heard of a squad going into Memphis just before them, they came back just before dinner, did not have time to wait, as Laura was just done churning, they drank heartily of Buttermilk. I made them each a nice julep, they went off in fine spirits, yet I can never answer for one sad heart they left behind. I went to sleep after dinner, and slept until very late. Poor Mr. Noe, just two years today since he was wounded - I decked his grave with flowers, and his suffering during the eleven weeks I nursed him, after his wound, until the time of his death, were ever present in my mind. Father and I sat in the Parlor a short time after supper. Laura and Bettie worried me a great deal with their lesson. Poor Beulah, I miss her so much - will my troubles never cease, hope is my Talisman - every dark cloud hath it's silvery lining -

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April, Saturday 9, 1864

What strange weather. cold, bitter cold & raining. Laura awakened me with the news that Lieut. Buchanon of 2 Mo. Cav. with two of his men were here. I hastened to dress, as I expected they would have some news - they came here last night about 6 o'clock to see if we could tell them anything about the Pickets. I dressed and went in the Parlor, he did not stay very long, had twenty men with him on an expedition to capture Cav Pickets - I regreted to learn from him this morning they had failed - they took french leave, we thought we heard the Yanks coming, they did not get this far, rob'd poor old Mr. Isbell of all his meat, and a great deal of corn, - fourteen in the squad, how I wish those Mo's could have known it in time to have captured them. Oh! mercy, I am so lonely - have not sewed much today, sat in the Parlor with Father a little while after tea. Poor Father, his heart is as sad as my own. L. & B. did not say a lesson tonight. Laura, Tip and I all alone, poor, poor Beulah - I sat up very late, alone, ah! the hearts echo of that simple word.

April, Sunday 10, 1864

Oh! what a relief to the weary, aching brain, when there seems naught for which to live; when this beautiful earth holds no joy; when the glorious sunsets, with their rose tinted clouds have no beauty; when our lifes barks seem drifting ceaselessly on, and we are powerless for good or ill - oh! what a relief to lie down, and closing our eyes, forget it all. To feel that at least while we slumber the scorpion-sting of memory is robbed of it's poison, - the goading, burning lash of human thought stayed, - and then comes a day, glareing again, - and so it goes on to the bitter end. We are all alike in this wicked human world. Let us strive as we will to soar

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above it, at last it all comes back to us - human hearts full of passion, love, and beauty - full of sin, sorrow, and suffering; the world overflowing with good and ill. Sometimes in life our value is appreciated, and we can claim true, affectionate, friends, - meet with lofty, generous souls, whose very beings thrill with instinctive love for the whole human race; but mostly we are not understood until the flowers and shadowy, green grass bloom and fade above us, and we lie mute below. Such is my life, how long it must be, no matter, God in his own good time will brighten my life. A beautiful day. Col. Perkins and Jimmie Greer spent the day with us, Helen & Nannie came home. I finished Corinthians - Father and all of us sat in the Parlor after tea. Laura & Bettie said a very good lesson. I am as usual alone, my two companions fast in slumber. God grant peace, we humbly crave, give us our liberty and make us a christian land. God bless my Brothers -

April, Monday 11, 1864

Helen, Father, the children and myself spent the day alone, the rest all in Memphis. Joanna came home, succeeded in getting Father's permit for supplies, brought no late news. Miss Perdue & Noble banished, leave tomorrow. I expect I will be next. I was so happy to hear Miss Em is expected today, my future plans depend upon her advice. Tate & Nannie staid in M. all night. Col. Overton came to see us today, just up from Dixie, - everybody hopeful and confident of a bright day soon. Mr. McMahon, 2d. Mo Cav came this eve. I was so disapointed about letting his things go - though he seemed perfectly satisfied, as he had replenished his wardrobe

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from Yankee Prison in Grierson's raids, he has been quite sick, is now on his way to Camp at Jackson, Tenn - he has his fine horse again. God grant him a safe journey, for he is a splendid Soldier. Gen. Armstrong with his brigade at Water Valley moving up - Ah! God is just, and I feel that we have not suffered in vain. We humbly pray for a cessation of this horrible war, oh! give us our independence & peace - We all sat in the parlor right late, Mr. Mc went further below. Tip & Laura both sleep, poor Beulah, I wonder where she is -

April, Tuesday 12, 1864

Mr. Jim Rogers arrived from Texas today, he and Mr. Farrer came over, Col. Perkins, Jimmie Greer and Col. Overton spent the day. Capt. Bissel was here, left two Pistols for me to take care of until he came back the last of the week. I went with Col. Overton over to Mr. Bray's, he took me to protect him from the Yankees, we had a terible trip, he went on down to Col. Perkins, we heard there was a Yankee Negro Soldier dead on Day's Creek, so Bettie, Kate, Robert and Mary & myself started in search. We found him, and it was an awful sight, he was in the Water in full uniform, his napsack on the bank of the creek, oh! I would give anything if I had not seen it. I have not done any sewing, house full of Company all day. I received a letter from Maj. Price and Mrs. Hudson, one to forward from Dixie, two from Memphis, one for Mr. Sam Wilson, one from Mo. to be forwarded to a Soldier to Mo. Brigade - No later news from Forrest, the Yanks in Memphis are frightened to death, think he is coming there. Miss Em has not come, I was so disapointed . Tate and Nannie got home. Bettie and Laura had a very good lesson -

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April, Wednesday 13, 1864

This has indeed been an exciting day, heavy fireing all last night & this morn. Forrest has captured Fort Pillow - still in his possession up to this evening dispatches captured on yesterday, the fireing we heard was between the Fort and Gun Boats, the Yanks in Memphis are frightened to death - a squad of 15 came and made us feed them and their horses - staid here nearly three houres , hateful old thieves. I wish a squad of Confederates had come and captured the last one of them - they stole Mr. Wither's horses - Late this evening 9 of our soldiers passed the gate, too late to get those rogues, yet I think we will hear from them on Nonconnah very soon -

Tate, Annie Nelson and Joanna, with Uncle Elum and the wagon went to town, succeeded in getting through Father's supplies and a good many things, the Yanks stole three hats out of the wagon in Nonconnah bottom, oh! how I hate them - Col. Overton came, Nannie went down to Col. Perkins with him. Mr. Henry Nelson & Mr. J. Hilderbrand came to see us after tea. I have not sewed much today. L. & B. said no lesson. Thank God for the glorious news today - oh! that my Bro may be safe.

April, Thursday 14, 1864

A comparitively quiet day to yesterday, cold, cloudy and disagreeable. I have spent it with little use to myself, or any one else - done no sewing at all. Mr. Rogers spent the day with us, brought no late news. Col. Overton and Anna Perkins came after dinner, staid a very short while - Anna Nelson & Rebecka Robinson came by and borrowed a horse to go to Memphis - we did not hear whether they returned or not - indeed we have heard nothing

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reliable today. Father heard a rumor this evening that our Virginia Gen. (Robert Lee) had ruined the left wing of Grant's Army - God grant it may be so. Grant is a fool to think he can whip Gen. Lee. Gen. Stephen Lee is at LaGrange, Gen. Forrest still at Fort Pillow last account we had. God grant we may humbly receive the blessings which have brightened our little Confederacy, drive this wicked band from our Sunny land, give us liberty and peace - oh! make us a Christian nation - we have suffered, yet we deserved thy punishment, we humbly crave thy pardon, and beseech thy blessings - The night spent as usual with me, sit in the Parlor with Father a short while after Tea.

April, Friday 15, 1864

Today I have spent sewing, all for nothing, tried the waiste on tonight and it will not fit at all. I am so disapointed . Mr. Mancoat came this evening from Memphis. Forrest still holds Fort Pillow, the Yanks are frightened to death in Memphis, how I wish we could get possession of our City once more - navigation of the Mississippi above blockaded for the present, and I hope, forever to the Yankees - they have begun to forage on the Country, supplies rather short in Memphis. Just as I was wondering what there was in this day, worth recording, Kate came in and announced to my great surprise, Margaret had a baby. I left her Cabin about an hour ago, she said she had not felt well, and asked me to bring the little Goslins in my room. I have not heard how they are getting along - no one with her except Bettie, Harriet, and Myra. I did not stay in the Parlor

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long after Tea. Laura and I have spent the evening nursing the Goslins. We heard the sad news that Mr. Gates and Mr. Cy Smith were both dead, belonged to Henderson's Scouts, captured at a party, died in Alton Prison. Oh! so many of our bravest and best young men are passing away. God spare my Brothers, and bring them safe to the heart of my poor old Father.

April, Saturday 16, 1864

Another day of excitement - about 30 Yanks passed early this morning, only six came in for their breakfast, they did not feed their horses - they behaved very well, and seemed to be gentlemen, in fact we so seldom see gentlemen among the Yankees that we can appreciate them when they are met with. While the squad with us were sitting on the porch, the squad which went to Mr. Hildebrand's passed with two of his horses, which they were takeing to Memphis. Anna Nelson came down this morning, the Chicago Times of 12th. has a good letter in it from X - Forrest has left Fort Pillow, having accomplished all he went for - we have not heard where he is or what his movements are, yet are perfectly satisfied that we will have good news from him in a day or two.

Margaret and baby both doing well, she says I may name it, so I have named her "Dixie." Mr. Rodgers came over this evening. Hal was down today but did not come to see us. We have no news of importance today, I have had a great deal of trouble with my Goslins. Sewed some little, yet feel that I have spent the day with little profit to myself, or anyone else, - beat Tate playing Chess tonight - my little room as usual, my Lamp all right again.

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April, Sunday 17, 1864

For what? am I liveing ? - why is it that I am spared from day to day with no happiness myself, and I am sure my poor weary life adds not moiety of pleasure and happiness to any one in this household. Oh! give me strength, give me patience my blessed redeemer, to receive thy punishment with meekness and humbleness - and faith that in thy own good time all will be well -

Tate and Helen with the children went down to Col. Perkins to spend the day, came home this evening in the rain. Col. Overton came this evening, did not stay many minutes, went to Col. Perkins to meet his friends -

Father, Joanna and I have spent the day alone, indeed I have been all alone, only saw them at dinner - read two books in the Bible - Galations & Ephesians - We heard Forrest had Columbus, Ky, can't vouch for the correctness of the report - God grant it may be so, and that Eddie is safe - Laura and Bettie said a very good lesson tonight - My Goslins have given me a great deal of trouble - did not stay in the Parlor long after Tea - spent the evening alone as usual, Laura & Tip both sleep - My poor Beulah, I wonder where she is tonight - how much I miss & grieve for her, no one cares, or knows -

April, Monday 18, 1864

Well, I expect our days of peace and quiet are over, another squad of Yanks passed - four stoped here, staid until after dinner, and went on back to Memphis - all of them, except one, seemed to be gentlemen, this one was a black abolitionist, oh! how I heartily despise him - I promised to make

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a Confederate Flag for one of them, Mr. Greer, and he promised he would not reenlist, so I have spent the evening making one, and will give it next time he comes. We were fortunate in their visit, they only ate their Dinner - Forrest was fighting at Columbus, Ky. on yesterday, no particulars. God grant he was successful, and my Bro. is safe.

I have sewed all day, yet not accomplished much - did not stay in the Parlour long after Tea, - no use in my recording why.

Laura and Bettie are improving very fast, recited a very good lesson tonight. The Goslins are a great deal of trouble, Laura and they are fast asleep on her pallet -

My Mother, oh! my Mother, how long must I leave thee, my heart yearns for thy sympathy, thy advice. Oh! God have mercy on me - No news from my dear Miss Em - oh! hasten her arrival - I shudder for my mind - Oh! my dear, my beautiful Savior, have mercy on me -

April, Tuesday 19, 1864

No Yanks today, a heavy raide passed down on Pigeon Rooste Road, do not know their destination. No news from Forrest, and the Yanks do not seem to know where he is. We have not seen any one today, or heard a word of news. Joanna and Bettie went to Memphis today, Sallie went with them - got a Permit - I am going to try my luck in the City tomorrow. I scarcely know what to think about it, or expect, but I do not believe all I have heard. Father is not willing I should go, I must change though, I cannot live always thus. Sewed all day, finished my white wrapper. My poor little burnt Goslin died, I have a great deal of trouble with them.

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Bettie and Laura did not say a lesson tonight, Bettie said she was too tired, and it was not five minutes until Laura was asleep - I am right sick tonight, and so lonely. No news from Miss Em yet, I am very much afraid she will give up her visit -

Forrest keeps so buisy on the Miss. River - The days of my present life are not worth recording - and I am sure the trouble and sorrow are indelibly ground on my memory and heart -

April, Wednesday 20, 1864

Tate and I arrived in Memphis quite early, put the horse up, then walked up street together, met Nannie and Anna Perkins. Nannie gave me two letters, one from St. Louis to Mrs. Welch, an exile in La Grange, Ga. one from New York from a stranger, asking assistance to through me to communicate with Mrs. Van Hook at Selma, Ala - I received a letter from Maj. Price at Selma, by Mrs. Flaherty. I dined with Mrs. Jones, and Mrs. Kirk - went round for Hat after dinner, she went with me to see Capt. Woodward, to know what I must do in regard to an order which I heard was issued for my arrest - he advised me to keep very quiet until he could see the Provost Marshall and learn something in regard to it. I came to Mrs. Facklen's, although she has a house full of Yankees boarding with her - they seem to be very gentlemanly, Dr. Irwin and Dr. Sommers, the latter has his family, Wife and two children - We spent a pleasant evening at Chess &c. Mrs. Facklen has been very fortunate in her selection of boarders -

April, Thursday 21, 1864

I went round according to appointment, met Capt. Woodward at 11 o'clock.

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Col. Patterson went with me. Capt. W. had not seen the Provost Marshall, he went as soon as I left, came round to Mrs. Facklen's after dinner, and brought bad news - though having approached Capt. Williams as aid for a heroine of Jericho, he could not treat me as the order read - it was issued from old Hurlbut, I was to be arrested and carried to Alton on first Boat that passed - for carrying letters through the lines, and smugling , and aiding the Rebelion in every way in my power - he sent me word I must not think of attending Jennie Eave's wedding, or go out of doors at all, he would be compelled to arrest me if it came to him Officially, but as my Father was a Royal Arch Mason, and I a Mason, he would take no steps, if I would be quiet. Mrs. Facklen, Mr. & Mrs. Goodwyn, Mr. Leach and Dr. Irwin all went to the wedding - I staid at home, and spent the evening with Mrs. Summers, and the Dr. They were very pleasant, and not the least bitter in their feeling towards the South, ah! but they are Yankees, I can't forget it when with them.

April, Friday 22, 1864

All ready for breakfast this morning, notwithstanding the late hour of retiring last night - they all spent a delightful evening - the Bride looked beautiful, the groom charming, and all passed as merry as a marriage bell - It was a great disapointment to me, but rather too much risk, a trip to Alton would not be very pleasant. I ventured with a thick vail on, to go up town this morning and purchase me a few articles which I would be compelled to have if I am banished, only went to one store - Went to see Mrs. Worsham and Vine sent some letters to St. Louis to Mrs. Moore's from

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her husband. Anna Nelson came after me, but the detectives have been looking for me today, and I was afraid to pass the Pickets. I have certainly escaped wonderfully. Mrs. Sommers seemed very much distressed that I could not get through - we spent a very pleasant evening. Dr. Sommers and Mr. Goodwyn discussing the war, I enjoyed it very much, no anger or hard words, they both agreed to disagree, beat Mr. Clark three games of Chess, - did not sit up very late. I am miserable for fear old Gibbert gets me at the Pickets tomorrow. God grant I may get through safe -

April, Saturday 23, 1864

All ready for breakfast, and very much refreshed after a good nights sleep. Dr. Sommers leaves for Vicksburgh today, inspecting hospitals. I would not care if they had no hospitals, however he is very agreeable. I prepared for my trip directly after breakfast. Mrs. Sommers came in the room and seemed very much distressed that I was in trouble, and said that she would get the Dr. to get me a pass if I would wait until he came. I knew it was of no use to ask, the Provost Marshall said I must not, but consoled me by saying, where there is a will there is generally a way. This was hint enough, so I went to Mrs. Worsham's, and Kate went round to the Provost's Office and got a pass for herself and Miss Edmunds. I shall ever be grateful to her for it. I then started for Mr. Barbier's, came by and told Mr. Eyrich goodbye - came by Miss Perdue's, found Miss Mary & Annie just having their baggage searched to leave for Vicksburgh - banished never to return. I got through Pickets safe, Jack was on. Anna Nelson came out with me, we were caught in a terible storm, no trouble otherwise, found all well at home.

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April, Sunday 24, 1864

This has been a terible day of excitement, two wagons from Memphis came out and camped in front of our gate all day, the Yanks did not bother them this morning only to take some Whiskey - two Confederate Soldiers were sitting in the Parlor all the time they were here, they did not see them coming in time to run, but fortunately they did not come in the Parlor. Mr. Falls and Miss McKinney, Sister of one of the Soldiers, came out to see them, the other Soldier was Mr. Hutchinson. I sent a package of Papers and letters to Mobile by Mr. McKinney, they had not more than rode out of sight when five Yanks came up all drunk, they robbed those people with the wagons of all their money, drank up all the whiskey and treated them shamefully, they had not been gone long before three Confederates, John & William Hildebrand and Ben Henderson came riding up, we told them about it, they rode off full speed, in a little while we heard firing, continued about five minutes, then all quiet. Father and Uncle Elam went down to Dave Hildebrand's after tea, our boys just left all right, - they met the Yanks returning, only four, and they frightened to death almost - no particulars. I am very much afraid, Laura, the Goslins, Tip and I all alone.

April, Monday 25, 1864

Father went first thing this morning to see if he could not hear something more about those thieving Yankees, - could not hear whether the Confederate squad gained anything or not - they went down to poor old Mr. Isbell's and beat him nearly to death because he would not show them the way to the plank road. Father and Mr. Madden went down there this evening

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to see him, a squad of Yankees passed, only two came in to get some buttermilk. Luce was one, we told him how those had acted yesterday, he reported it ti the Officer, and Father said they stoped at Mr. Isbell's and enquired very particularly about it, and said he would have the men arrested. Miss Annie Perdue, Sister and Bro. all sent through the lines today, banished. Washburn countermanded Hurlbut's order and sent them by land, instead of River. Miss Annie came over to see us, and get me to go over the creek for her. Father is rather afraid, but I will try it in the morning - though I expect not, Father has just left my room, and says he is afraid for me to go - I am so unhappy about the trouble I have got in - oh! what is to become of me, what is my fate to be - A poor miserable exile -

Poor Tip is very sick, and I am very much afraid she is going to die - the Goslins are well, Laura and I complete my lonely little household -

April, Tuesday 26, 1864

I arose very early this morning, Father was not willing I should go over the creek, went over to Mr. Farrer's to tell Miss Annie Perdue so she would make other arrangements about sending for them. I was so distressed to think she must be so disapointed , and I did not get to see her again. No Yankees out on our road today, all very quiet until this eve. We were all very much excited, surprised & happy to see Maj. Crump, he is just from Jackson, Tenn, where Gens. Forrest and Chalmers still have their Hd. Qts. Lee's Cavalry have gone to Ala. to check the raid advancing by way of Decatur - John Hildebrand and Henry Nelson came down and spent the evening with us - John Hildebrand beat me badly at Chess again - we have had a very pleasant

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evening with our Rebel friends, in spite of Yankee visits -

Father retired very early, all left the Parlor except Maj. Crump and Helen. Poor child, may God shield her from all dark clouds, oh! may she never feel or know the anguish which has been mine. God grant them a happy and peaceful union.

Tip is still quite sick, Laura and the Goslins have retired, - my poor lost Beulah, I wonder where she is tonight - and me, poor miserable being - oh! heavenly Father, have mercy and brighten my lonely life -

April, Wednesday 27, 1864

Tate and Nannie started to Memphis very early this morning, got back home without any trouble, and Tate was fortunate enough to get a permit, and kind enough to me, to bring what few things I had to me. No news, except they are just reallizing the terrible thrashing they received in La.

Maj. Crump went to the woods this morning, did not come in again until late this evening. Laura and I have been very buisy all day cleaning and arranging my room for summer, I had a splendid bath, and enjoyed it very much. The day has been so warm and disagreeable, tried one of my new white wrappers, first change of the season - Two of Henderson's Scouts came here after dark, Mr. Benson and Alexander, got their supper and fed their horses - did not stay long, sent a bundle of papers and letters to Capt. Henderson by them. Four soldiers came in after Tea - the same who broke up the abandoned farm, (Ball's) Saturday night, and I think they are on such an errand tonight, did not stay long, only until the storm passed over - Yanks - three passed this evening, did not stop. All my household quiet in slumber -

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April, Thursday 28, 1864

Maj. Crump left for the bushes early this morning, did not return until the rain began, he sat in my room until supper was ready, Helen, Tate and Nannie have all been out here all evening buisy sewing on Maj. C shirts. I finished mine before the storm came up. Mr. Wesson came after Mr. Wallace's things, he has not left yet, will start in the morning -

Seven Yankees and a cotton buyer came today just after dinner - did not harm anything, only wanted some milk, and to know the way to the plank road - we were very fortunate once again - they did not even come in the house. We have not heard a word of news today - all spent the evening together in the Parlor, Music &c. I beat Maj. Crump at Chess. Father & Mr. Wesson retired early. I sat up right late, trying to get Mary to sleep, succeeded at last, left Nannie, Helen and Maj. Crump in Parlor, found Laura sleep in the chair with her work in her lap - Tip had not arrived - the Goslins taking their lunch - and I, poor miserable being, praying for strength, and patience, for thy will, oh! Lord - Tate had a letter from Eddie & Capt. Barber -

April, Friday 29, 1864

Joanna and Nannie went to Memphis early this morning, and have not returned yet, Father is very uneasy about them for fear they are in trouble with the Yankees - none have been out today. Maj. Crump spent the day in the woods again - another storm this evening which bro't him home rather early, he came in my room where we were all buisy sewing - Tate is making

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Capt. Barber's shirts, - Helen buisy getting ready to go South - which she thinks will be about the first of June. I have made "Dixie" five dresses, and have one to make yet, then I will have fulfilled my agreement for the privilage of naming her - Mr. Crawford spent the day with us, waiting for Nannie - Mr. Wesson left early this morning with his goods - we have no late, reliable news today. All spent the evening together in the Parlor. Father and I retired early, left Tate, Helen and Maj. Crump is there. All my little household together - Poor Beulah, I will always miss her.

April, Saturday 30, 1864

Laura brought my breakfast to my room - very late - everybody slept late this morning - Raining, raining, raining - oh! such a gloomy day as it has been. Joanna & Nannie have not come yet. Nonconnah is swimming, but Father is miserable for fear that is not what keeps them.

Maj. Crump left about 10 o'clock, we have not heard how he got through, but heard of no scouts, and reckon he is all right, some where in Panola tonight. Mr. Bray brought Nannie a letter from Dashiell, all of the fords on Nonconnah are heavily picketed - the Gurrilla's ambushed a scouting party of fourteen, at Pigeon Rooste crossing on yesterday, killing the Yankee's three horses - wounding two Yanks and capturing three and one horse, only six out of the crowd got back to Memphis - they are very much exasperated - the lines have been closed since, and that may have detained the girls - hurrah! for the Dick Davis and his band - I hope they may

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break into this thieving band of Yanks roving over the Country - both of Helen's little pups died today -

God bless our armies and give us success -

May, Sunday 1, 1864

I slept very late this morning. Tate and Helen ready to start to Church when I went in the Parlor - Uncle Elam went with them. Father, Mary, Robert and I were left at home. Mr. Hildebrand and Mr. Madden spent the morning with us - they had no late news - neither did we hear any from the girls. Five Yankees found where John, William, Ben & David Hildebrand and Ben Henderson were hid on Day's creek, about a mile from here and surprised them, although they were fast asleep, they made their escape. The Yanks fired twice only, our little band were not armed armed for a fight, therefore beat a hasty retreat. The Yanks then came to old Mr. Hildebrand's, did not stay long, we saw them pass on the ridge returning to Memphis.

Nannie and Joanna have not returned yet, cannot imagine what keeps them. The Yanks sent out a heavy force after Forrest yesterday. God bless our little band, and crown them with victory - guide my Bro, and keep him safe through all danger - Came to my room early - Father retired so early - We think the Yankees are at Mr. Hildebrand's now, so much noise, and two guns fired. God bless my dear Father, and protect him from the Yankees.

May, Monday 2, 1864

Very cold and disagreeable - had to keep large fires to keep warm.

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No Yankees have been out today - the lines are still closed, Nannie and Joanna have not got home yet. Cousin Frazor, John and Mr. Wormely got here from Dixie today - everything is cheering from below. Gen. Price has demolished Stith's entire army, capturing all of his Artillery, Wagon train and demoralizing his entire command. We have not heard from Forrest yet, but our faith in him is implicit, he will be successful. Oh! I think the bright day for Dixie is dawning. God is just, our prayers are answered, oh! let us be humble, and pray constantly in our success, thy will, not ours, be done. I made Laura a dress today - Sallie Hildebrand & Mary Robinson came down and spent the evening - Mr. Wormely went on over to Mr. Holmes - the Hildebrands all got off safe last night , everything has been unusually quiet in the neighborhood today - I did not stay in the Parlor very late. Bettie & Laura both buisy sewing.

May, Tuesday 3, 1864

The lines still closed, no news from Memphis, can't tell when Nannie and Joanna will be home - I did not get up until nearly dinner, spent the remainder of the day sewing for Laura, trying to get her clothes in order, it seems I can never get her again for any length of time. No one has been here today. John spent the day hid in the woods with Cousin Frazor's horse - Father as usual running round trying to hear the news. I think the Country is rather dull, since the blockade - This is a lonely day in my weary life, and I can record nothing which would give, either pleasure or profit in after years to look back upon - the children have been happy

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at play - and I expect Helen and Tate have passed the day pleasantly together - mine has been alone. Father and Cousin Frazor left the Parlor early after tea - John & I sat up right late talking, and I played for him. Laura is still sewing and nodding - no bread for Goslins, they are very noisy

May, Wednesday 4, 1864

I have sewed buisy all day, finished my white braided swiss - I think it is beautiful. Laura finished her new Calico, we both had to sew very late tonight to finish them. Bettie got sleepy and went home some time since - We all had a considerable fright tonight - by Anna Nelson sending to warn us of danger if any Confederate Soldiers were here - so poor Johny, although he has spent the day in the woods, shouldered his blanket, took his Pa's horse, and went to the woods. Cousin Frazor will stay in and take the chances. Capt. Floyd with 20 men passed about dusk, going across the creek, don't know their destination - the lines open this evening - Joanna and Nannie got home - no news of interest - We are still victorious on all sides, the negroes have raised the black flag - gone out on a raide after Forrest, and I will bet, but few will ever return, - God grant not one life of our dear Soldiers will be sacrificed to those cowardly dogs. Oh! give us victory, that peace may once again smile on our Sunny land. God bless my poor old Father and dear Bros.

May, Thursday 5, 1864

I have spent a most unhappy day, - half sick, and the "black spirits"

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haunted me teribly - oh! I don't know what is the matter with me - or what on earth is to become of me. I spent the evening sewing on Harriet's dress - Laura and Bettie both sewed late, yet I am left alone, and no prospects of sleep relieveing my poor, weary, aching heart - I pray for hope, and patience, yet virtue is lost in everything to me in my present state of feeling. Old Mrs. Holmes, Mr. Wormely, & Bedford came over this evening, no news except a rumor that Forrest had beaten the Nigger troops who left Memphis - God grant it may be so. Poor Danie Donelson's body has been found, at Pounder' ford, he was murdered, on his way back to the Army - his only Bro was killed at battle of Chickamauga - oh! heavenly Father, give us peace, crown our Sunny land with victory & peace, guide my dear Brothers, and return them safe to our Father's now lonely fireside - we humbly crave thy pardon, thy forgiveness and peace.

May, Friday 6, 1864

I got up very early this morning, finished Harriet's dress a little after dinner, just one day making it, I have picked my finger almost to the bone, and will have to rest for a few days and let it recruit. I slept all the evening, have spent the day alone, and it has seemed teribly long. No Yankees out on our road today. A heavy scout passed down the Hernando road, a very heavy picket on Nonconnah, since Floyd's raide yesterday - poor old Mr. Farrer got in trouble yesterday, the Yanks carried him in Memphis and put him in the Irving Block, we have not heard any of the particulars. Cousin Mat, Frazor & Cousin Sallie came out this evening, - news, we have another victory on Red River, captured three more Gun Boats -

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Oh! how thankful we are for the bright days which are dawning - we humbly crave thy blessings for victory and peace - Received a letter from Jimmie in London, the crew men all well and in fine spirits - God bless both my dear Bros, and guard them from all danger and temptation - bless my poor old Father, and keep trouble from his last days - oh! make me a better woman. Frazor is 9 years old today - we have not heard from Eddie for several days.

May, Saturday 7, 1864

I went over to Mrs. Clayton's early this morning to make arrangements with Hal about going South, did not find her at home, waited until after 3 o'c but did not get to see her. Spent a very pleasant day - heard no news - came by Mrs. Duke's to see Beulah, poor Dog, she was almost crazy when she met me. I could not stay many minutes, and it almost broke my heart to see Beulah begging to come. Peter and I started on home, met two Yankees, they were drunk, and frightened me very much. We had a very rough trip home, came through to the Hernando road, the Pickets on Nonconnah did not ask me for a pass. Saw old Mr. Farrer just getting home, he has only one week to be out of this country. A Yankee detective with a woman came to stay all night, Father was afraid not to take him, just after they stoped , in came two of the 2nd. Mo. Cav. Mr. Grile and Mr. Davis, they did not come in when we told them who was here, for fear it would get Father in trouble - the detective (Lewis) was very uneasy for fear they would take - I hope they will get him after he leaves here in the morning -

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May, Sunday 8, 1864

I had a nice time sleeping late this morning, and Laura had a nice, Breakfast to tempt my apetite when awakened - the Detective and his lady friend had left before I got in the Parlor. John and Cousin Frazor kept in the dark all morning, though every was quiet, we have not heard what the raide was for which passed down Hernando road yesterday, they staid in Hernando last night. Old Mr. Hildebrand came down after dinner, though we have not heard a word of news today - in fact it will be almost a nonentity in the pages of my sad and weary life. I have read in my Bible mostly - went to sleep after dinner, and did not wake up until late in the evening - all went to walk except myself. Anna Nelson and Mrs. Lewis came here for some Soldier clothes, but they had not been left here. I did not stay in the house late, Bettie and Laura gave me a great deal of trouble about their lessons tonight - all quiet now, Bettie gone home. Laura and the Goslins both fast asleep - I trust sleep will soon relieve my weary brain -

May, Monday 9, 1864

I slept very late, Laura came in to clean my room, did everything but make the bed, I told her if she would let me alone I would make the bed. I have been sewing on my white mull, did not get much done, have it all arranged, and hope to finish it tomorrow. We had a delightful rain this evening. Cousin Frazor bought John a horse today, from Mr. Madden. The two Miss Robinsons came over this evening, trying to find out where their Bros were, whom Floyd conscripted, we could tell them nothing, poor things I feel sorry for them, although they are such wicked people. Three Confederate

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Soldiers came riding up while they were here, I am very much afraid they will report it to the Yankees. I did not go in the Parlor after Tea, the rest were all in, singing and playing, which I enjoyed all alone on the Porch. Father sat a while - Laura and Bettie had a very good lesson - all asleep now except myslef, and I am prepared for a nice feast in one of the Waverly's - the Abbot, it will draw my mind, for a while at least, from it's own sad and weary thoughts -

May, Tuesday 10, 1864

Cloudy and rainy, I got up to breakfast as Mr. Harbut came, he is cut off from his command, and has no news. We heard Forrest had got safely out of Tenn. Tate and Joanna went to Memphis this morn, did not get back and we have not heard a word, suppose the raine must have kept them, we had a very hard storm this evening. Mrs. Franklin & Miss Kate Daughterty arrived from Dixie this morning, they say we have had a glorious victory in Virginia, but a dearly bought one - loss heavy on both sides. The Confederates Victorious as always under our brave Gen. Lee. A sad loss will be our gallant Longstreet, we hear he is mortally wounded, heaven forbid the correctness of the report - oh! my heavenly Father, enlighten the hearts of our wicked foe, and let them leave our lovely land, - think of the thousands of souls hastened into eternity - we humbly crave thy pardon, grant us thy blessings, and give us peace, oh! give us peace - all we ask - drive them from our land, we have sinned, but now are humble. God bless my dear Father, and Brothers, and unite them once again -

May, Wednesday 11, 1864

Tate and Joanna went to Memphis this morning - what a mistake - on

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yesterday they went in, did not return until this evening. Joanna and Miss Em, and little Emie all came, oh! I was so delighted to see Mrs. Perkins - Nannie came out very early, started to go to Germantown, for John a horse, too late. Poor Cousin Mat and little Frazor had to return with Mrs. S. to M. - No news from Mr. Harbut yet - he is always very prompt, we think it very strange he did not return. We all spent the evening in the Parlor. Mrs. Tom Nelson came this evening - bro't intelligence of Poor Mr. Facklen's death - he killed himself drinking, died with Mania potin I do pity his Wife, and poor little children - and such a horrible death - no late news from either side - Miss Em and I talked nearly all night -

May, Thursday 12, 1864

Miss Em and I took breakfast in our room - it was bitter cold this morning, and I have taken my stove down. Mr. Nelson very impatient, Mr. Brett arrived about 11 o'clock, had succeeded in getting a pass for Mr. N. from Gen'l Washburn, good for one week - they left about 12. We all sat in the Parlour in the morning - after dinner Miss Em and I came out to my room and spent the evening - Nannie and Emie came also. Oh! I wish they would quit speaking of the war, or Politics. Cousin Frazor was tight at dinner, and as he and Mrs. Perkins differed, he was very rough and disagreeable - we did not sit up so late. Bettie and Anna Nelson reached home safe, but very late. No important news - no news from Mr. Harbut yet -

May, Friday 13, 1864

Miss Em, Joanna, Anna Nelson, Tate's children and Kate all went to Memphis

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this morning, all returned except Mary, who they left with Tate. We have had a quiet day, comparatively speaking. No Yankees - Mr. Wilson and Mr. Pope came this evening - been up several days, no late news. Poor Mr. Harbut was captured on yesterday, at Mr. Rutland's on the plank road, both of his fine horses captured - no news from him since he went into Memphis - Mr. Keene, who came out with Cousin Sallie, said Banks had certainly surrendered with 35,000 men - God grant it may be true - nothing deffinite from Virginia, though the slaughter has been terible on both sides. Oh! my Father in heaven, crown our Army with Victory - God give us peace, I am so weary of so much bloodshed - bless my dear Father and Brothers -

May, Saturday 14, 1864

Miss Em and I slept until almost 12 o'clock - I finished Emie's dress after getting up, Miss Em cut out her new Calico and run on the skirt. No Yankees today, neither have we seen a Confederate - Joanna and Anna Nelson went in this morning with the wagon to get supplies, as this is the last day the lines will be open. All of them got back safe with a permit for all they wanted. Tate came out with all of Helen's Bridal trosseau - still no decisive news from Virginia - papers all suppressed, which appears rather ominous - Oh! heaven hear the humble, and heart rending prayers of our poor suffering South, - drive the wicked Northman from our soile , protect and guide my Bros safely through, may they do their duty nobly - bless my poor old Father - I am miserable, what is to become of me -

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May, Sunday 15, 1864

This has been an unpleasant, unhappy Sabbath - oh! we differ so in politics from Miss Em - I am afraid her visit will be miserable. Helen and Nannie went to Church - Col. Perkins came home with them, spent the evening. Capt. Wormely came over to spend the night, preparatory to leaving at daylight in company with Cousin Frazor and Johnie, poor John, he has not got him a horse, or his clothes - Mrs. Titus, his step mother, has treated him shamefully.

Miss Em had a talk with Nannie this evening, and she has been miserable ever since - I do not know what it is, but they are so widely different in Politics - I pray that Miss Em may not insist on Nannie leaveing . I shudder for the results, she says she will not go. We heard our Army in Va. was victorious - I pray that it may be so, and this horrible war closed. No communication with the City today, Miss Em speaks of going tomorrow - she has a free pass - she is sick in bed tonight - all retired very early -

May, Monday 16, 1864

Laura awakened me at daylight to see Cousin Frazor, John and Capt. Wormely leave for Dixie - they left early for fear they would meet a squad of Yanks later in the day. Miss Em and Nannie went to Memphis this morning, got back safe, no late news except Yankee lies, which say that we are beaten in Va. and I do not believe one word of it - never will hear the truth until we get the Southern account. Mr. Wilson came this evening, bro't me a package of Southern papers (Mobile & Richmond) though not very late date - therefore nothing deffinite from Lee's army - he had no late news, currier up yesterday -

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Nannie saw Mr. Harbut at the Provost Marshall today - he will be sent to Alton in a few days. Mr. Crawford came for Nannie today, was very much disapointed - I read all the morning, made me a dress waiste after dinner - Oh! how my heart has yearned for this visit from Miss Em, and how sadly disapointed , yet I have learned to bury my sorrow within my own breast - there is a terible gap in our social circle, we are so widely different in Politics.

May, Tuesday 17, 1864

Oh! most miserable day - Mrs. Perkins almost made me mad at her deep distress - Poor, poor Nannie, my heart aches for her, would to God I might be the medium through which all could be made happy - Miss Em is so widely different in her political feeling, there will never be any happiness, I fear, with poor Nannie. May God guide the dear child, keep her firm to the cause she has espoused, may she never have her pure, noble Southern feelings polluted with Yankee treachery or tyrany - keep her firm and true to her noble Brother Dashiell and his Country rights - she dreams not, but oh! my heart trembles and bleeds for her in this great trial and affliction. I received a letter from Dr. Moses - Tate did also - Oh! why am I tempted - guide, oh! comfort me, my Savior - poor Father is quite sick - Joanna went to Hernando this morning -

May, Wednesday 18, 1864

When, oh! when will this wickedness and strife end - my heart how sadly, and how sorely, it has been tried. God have mercy and keep it pure, through

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all temptations - bless poor Miss Em, be with her in this affliction, guide dear Nannie in the right path - I pray that it may be all right - thy will, and I am content - Col. Perkins came this morning, Nannie had not decided to stay when he was here. Mr. Nelson took dinner with us, on his way to Dixie. Mr. & Mrs. Lake came down here to meet him, missed him only a few moments. Mr. Crawford came this evening. Miss Em sent a note to Col. Perkins by him. Mr. Huchins was here also - with all the arrivals of persons and newspapers, no reliable news. My dear redeemer I pray, oh! I humbly beseech thee to bless our brave little bands in Va. and Ga - crown them victory, oh! give thy blessing to our dear Sunny land. Give us peace, then will we praise thy great and glorious reighn , through all eternity.

May, Thursday 19, 1864

It seems that trouble and misery will never cease. Miss Em almost killed herself with chloroform last night, did not get up until late this evening, and is still very feeble and miserable from the effects. Nannie has been in bed all day, seems to be quite sick tonight - poor old Father, he is almost prostrated with trouble. I wish I had some influence, oh! that I could be the medium of reconciliation & peace between Miss Em and the family - there is a breach which can never be healed - she is raving mad whenever she speaks or thinks of Tate and Helen - poor little Emie, the child is miserable. Heard from Dashiell last night, but do not dare to show the letter to his Mother. I think the scriptures are truly fulfilled in this war, Child shall be against Parent, and Parent against Child -

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Col. Perkins did not come - We have heard nothing deffinite from our Armys . Joanna got back last night with Helen's cotton.

I have been unhappy all day, no one could be in this house at this time and not be -

May, Friday 20, 1864

Mrs. Perkins went to Memphis this morning in an awful state of mind. Col. Perkins came up to see her before she started, but I do not think she was much relieved by his visit. Nannie would not go, she did not come back tonight, although she said she would be certain to come. I am entirely weaned from any affection I ever had for her, any Southern woman to talk and express herself as she does, I have no use for her. I wish to heaven she would never come to our house again. I went over to Mr. Clayton's, on old Grey, took Peter with me, did not get to see Hal, arrived at home safe, but very much fatigued. Laura and I had a very quiet, pleasant night all alone. Joanna tried our fortunes with the cards, if they are true I do not think we will have a very exciting life for the next few days -

May, Saturday 21, 1864

Nannie still sick in bed, got up this evening when Mr. Wilson came, I think that is the only thing which could have aroused her - Nothing unusual happened today, the news from Virginia still glorious. Oh, God! we praise, we humbly bow to thy glorious favor, of our struggle for Liber

Diary of Belle Edmondson: January - November, 1864 (Transcript of the manuscript) Electronic Edition.