That experience was traumatizing and in many ways, I still to this day
feel the effects of it. But you … and you probably
can't imagine as young as you are. Being able to go to a
school where everybody that you saw looked exactly like you, where you
were treated like a human being, not as something exotic, or something
undesirable, or just totally ignored. Ummm … and especially
for it to happen right after my sophomore year in high school because my
sophomore year in high school I was very involved in all the
extracurricular activities of the
Page 2 school. In fact I
was president of almost every organization except student government,
which you had to be a senior to be president, so I was vice president of
the student government. I was a majorette in the band and I belonged to
all the other extracurricular activities at the school. Everyone knew
me, teachers and students alike.
The tenth grade year was just the best year of my life, and then the
following year, at the end of the tenth grade, near the end of my tenth
grade year being asked by my teachers to volunteer to transfer because
they knew that that fall they were going to close the tenth grade at the
all black high school that I went to and they would have no choice, they
would have to go. But Juniors and Seniors would have an option of going,
so they really pushed a lot of us in the top of the Junior and Senior
classes to go on and transfer because they knew at that time that the
following year, our senior year, the black school would be closed
totally so we wouldn't be able to graduate from there, from
the high school that we'd started at. They thought it would
be better for us if we went on and adjusted to the school by going our
junior year.
So there were actually six people, uh, from Torrence-Lytle that went with
me, none of them were from Davidson, so what that meant was that I would
ride the bus everyday,
Page 3 thirteen miles on an
all-black bus, I'd walk into North Meck and because I was,
even among the six, one of the only ones who was on a college track
everybody else would go one way and I would go another. Because my
schedule was college bound it meant my lunch period also had me
isolated, and umm, so it was really a very trying experience in many
ways. I don't think - at the time it was just confusing, and
frightening, it's been with age and other experiences a
growing awareness that it was actually a painful experience. Because
like I said, I went from everybody knowing my name and being very
popular and very involved, to, uh being almost invisible for the most
part.
North treated us very unfairly as blacks. Our athletes were able to
transfer and immediately start playing football and basketball. I
don't know if that meant, if that had anything to do with the
fact that North's athletic teams at that time were not doing
so well and with the addition of the guys from my school, they suddenly
started winning. But we were told that you had to be at the school for a
year before you could participate in any extracurricular activities, yet
I saw the white students, that I eventually discovered had just
transferred to North from other places, they were immediately welcomed
to any organizations or anything they wanted to participate in. In
Page 4 fact, there was a young man who was going to be
president of his student …he was, had been elected president
of his student body the spring before and his father moved because of a
job and he was made co-president of our student government, but he
hadn't been there a year, but that courtesy was not extended
to us. In classes, many times I was the only black student. And I
remember I had two classes out of six where I wasn't the only
black. In my U.S History class there was one other young man who had
transferred with me from Torrence-Lytle, and we were in the history
class. Unfortunately it was United States history so we had to deal with
the humiliation of getting to that one page in our U.S history book that
dealt with slavery, not even African American history, but slavery in
the United States. Half the page is taken up with this picture of black
folks in the cotton fields smiling and picking cotton. And naturally,
the teacher turns and is like: "Brenda, Tommy, why
don't you tell us about the black experience, or why
don't you tell us about slavery."
I had just finished reading Frederick Douglass's autobiography
the summer before she asked that question, and so I started relating to
her about slavery from what Frederick Douglass shared in his narrative,
and I was interrupted by a North Mecklenburg student who happens to
Page 5 be a professor here at the college who said:
"Oh Brenda, that was Northern abolitionist propaganda, slaves
were not treated cruelly at all, in fact slaves were a part of the
family. And they were taken care of, and they were loved, and that
brutal stuff was just Northern abolitionist propaganda." And
the teacher agreed with him, and they would have won if it had not been
for another student in the class whose father was a professor here for
many years, he's now retired, who got up and challenged both
of them, who got up and said: ‘Why are you saying that, you
know what she's saying is true, why would you tell her that,
why would you say that it is not true?" And the teacher at that
point just got up and changed the subject to something else.
I remember, umm, in the other classes, because the other class I had
where there were African Americans was my French class and unfortunately
I had what I call a liberal for a French teacher. I called her a liberal
because she gave you a B for being Black. I started suspected that that
was what she was doing but one day we had a test, and the questions were
written up on the board, and you know you turned your paper in. Well,
all I put on my paper was "French Test" and signed my
name, all of that was in English. My paper came back with a B on it. Now
how did I
Page 6 get a B and I didn't answer any
of the questions? Unfortunately at that point I was so young and naive I
felt like, at that point: "Oh well I got over without applying
myself." So why say anything, but it was really a tremendous
disservice because what that meant was that I got credit for French one
and two in high school, and went to college and had to enroll in French
three, and when I walked into my French classroom, the first thing
teacher said was, you know, no more English. And I was totally lost. So
as a result of that I ended up being what we call a fifth-year senior,
and completed everything for graduation except French in four years and
so I had to stay a fifth year just trying to pass French.
In the classes where I was the only Black, I really felt like I was a fly
in buttermilk. I would often be the first to raise my hand, the last one
to be called on. If I was called on the entire class would stop,
everybody would turn and stare at me. Umm, which I'm sure
you've probably experienced, as a student even if you do know
the material, you know the answer, you can sometimes feel intimidated,
especially if you're shy, and I am somewhat shy to offer an
answer in class. And so to have everything stop and everybody staring
down you throat is even more pressure. Umm, I had teachers who, when I
would answer a question,
Page 7 would paraphrase it, and,
but they would do it in such a way, you were left thinking:
"Well, I think that is what I said, I'm sure
that's the right answer," but it was the way the
answer was paraphrased back, or re-said by the teacher that always left
you feeling that you were somehow incompetent, something about your
answer wasn't right.
I can also remember passing in A papers and having them come back with
C's on them and no correction marks and going up asking the
teacher: "Could you explain to me what I have done wrong, there
are no marks on here and I have a C." And being told:
"Do you want to go to the office," you know,
"Are you challenging my grading?" It's
like: "No, I come from a house where you're not
allowed to bring home anything less than a B, and my mom's is
going to want an explanation, so I need to be able to explain to her
what it is I got wrong so I can work on getting it better." And
the teacher was like: "Look, either go to the office or take
your seat." Well I know better than to go to the office because
again I come from a household where teachers are like demi-gods and
anything they say, even if they're wrong, my mother always
sided with the teacher. So there was, I felt no support.
I
can remember almost getting expelled because I didn't stand
up for the school fight song, which was Dixie. You could sit down at my
school that
Page 8 first year when they played the national
anthem, uhh, and nobody would say anything, but if you didn't
stand up for Dixie, that was grounds for … expulsion.
Also when I was at North, the school mascot was the Confederate soldier
and flag. And the students, while we were doing what they called a rebel
yell, we were the Rebels, the North High Rebels. And it
wasn't until my sister came through which was about five
years after I was there that the students had become a little more
militant, and they tore, we had a life, bigger than life-size
Confederate soldier and the flag on the wall in our gymnasium. Well five
and half years after I was at North the students tore that off the wall
and built a bonfire with it out in the parking lot. Which started a
period of police being present at the school in full uniform, umm, for
quite a while. Umm, I think the thing that was, I also remember, at
North they like to give seniors an opportunity to practice marching, and
so anytime we had assemblies or programs in the gym, the sophomores, and
the freshmen would go in, I mean not the freshman, we only had tenth,
eleventh and twelfth grades. Sophomores and juniors would go in, and we
were to sit in the bleachers, leaving the bleachers closest to the floor
for the seniors. And then the seniors
Page 9 after
everybody else was in, they'd play the school alma mater and
everybody else would march in to that.
Well, I noticed the first year, when there were only six black students
in the senior class, if those six black students - one or all of them -
would happen to come up to get in line behind a white person, the person
would run. So there was, you could sit and watch them marching into the
gym, and you knew when the black students were coming because there
would be this gap, or they would come and there would be a big gap
behind them. But it was like a lot of the students didn't
even want to be near them. But again, like I said, football players,
athletes were treated like demi-gods, you would have thought they had
been there since forever. You would see people socializing with them,
laughing with them, but not other blacks.
Same thing would happen when you'd go in the cafeteria, uh, if
you put your tray down at a table, it was suddenly like you had a sign:
"I'm oozing with the AIDS virus, come near me
you'll die of AIDS," because you go to sit down and
people at the table just jump up and run. And in adolescence, that can
be very, very dis-settling because one of the things that mark the
adolescence period of our life is sensitivity. An adolescence can get a
tiny pimple on their face and to them it looks like Mt. Everest;
Page 10 someone can walk by you and not speak, not because
they're mad at you or they don't like you, but
because their mind is somewhere else, and as an adolescence you will
have a tendency to interpret it as: "Oh, what's
wrong with me, why don't they like me, what did I do
wrong?" when none of those things are going on.
So to have this type of treatment … and for me it was hard
because my mother went to great extents to shield us from whites that
were not liberal - no, I don't want to say liberal. Whites
who would not treat you like a child of God, whites who believed that
everybody was equal regardless of race, color, or creed. So, I was there
for about three months, because of what my mother had taught me and how
she had shielded me from certain types of whites, and then watching the
athletes be accepted. It took me three months to realize that people
were not running from me and treating me the way they were because I was
ugly, but because I was black. Beause I remember the first day I walked
into my chemistry class, this girl had gotten to class before me and put
her books down and ran to the bathroom. She came back from the bathroom
and saw me now sitting behind her, this girl stopped dead in her tracks
in the door, looked at me, and just let out this blood curdling scream.
You would have thought that I was Freddie
Page 11 from the
Nightmare movies or something, Friday the 13th. And the teacher did not
reprimand her or anything, I mean he went and like calmed her down, and
he came over, picked up her books, and like took them over to a desk on
the other side of the room away from me.
Of all the things that happened, the one that really hurt me the most was
a really trite one. After that year of waiting to participate in
extra-curricular activities, umm, I went out for letter girl, and it
just so happened, my girlfriend's brother was on the football
team and there was a white letter girl that really had a crush on him.
She tried to make friends with his sister, my girlfriend, we told her
that we were going out for letter girl, she said: "Well let me
teach you our routines." You know, so … and she
explained to us that the way they handle the selection was that you
would come on like a Monday when they designated, and the letter girls
would work all week teaching you their routines, and then on Friday,
everybody would come, you know, try out.
Well this chick had taught us all the routines a whole week before the
tryouts, before we went to start learning them. So on the first day that
we were there the letter girls were working with us and stuff, and my
girlfriend and I faked not knowing them for a while, then we got tired
of
Page 12 faking, so we just started doing them. They
were like, Oh wow, look, oh they already know! So they then sat down,
and for the rest of the week, they would come and laugh and talk and
spent time with each other while we taught the recruits the routine. So
naturally, because we were teaching everybody else, we assumed:
"hey, we done made it, you know." And so that Friday,
umm, just before I was getting ready to leave my house to go to the
tryouts, another girlfriend of mine came by, and she wanted to go to the
movies afterwards. So I told her, look, I've got go to these
tryouts, you know, and then we'll go to the movies. So she
went with me, and after everybody had tried out, one of the letter girls
came over to my girlfriend that was going to the movies with me and
said, Carol Ann, why don't you try out? Carol Ann was like:
"Well, you know, I don't even know your routines, I
wasn't thinking about letter girl, so I didn't
come. I don't know any routines." She said:
"Well let me show you a step." So she showed her a
step and then she had her to try out.
Well, that Monday, you know, me and Sylvia, we couldn't wait
to get to school, we knew we had made it. We almost didn't
even go look at the names on the list because we were sure our names
were on there. But we decided, you know, just so we could lord it over
the people who were
Page 13 standing there looking and
being disappointed to go and look, and we didn't make it, but
my girlfriend Carol Ann did. And it wasn't until the first
football game when I'm sitting out in the stands looking up
at the letter girls, I realized why she made it and Sylvia and I
didn't. My girlfriend Sylvia is like three shades darker than
me. We had to look for Carol Ann. "Oh yeah, there she
is." But if the two of us had been out there, you would have
not had to go through any moving of the neck, head, body, we
would've stood out. And it was very much like some of the
things you saw in integration of the media, the first anchor people,
very light skinned. The first black Miss America, they always start with
the ones you have to like: "Is she black? Well, maybe, only
some of us can tell, you know."